can you keep up?

much has happened my little diary. very much indeed. i am now dating, of all people, danny. and he’s one of the best friends/boyfriends i’ve ever known. he treats me nice, he’s kind, we like a ton of the same stuff. he was a virgin too and we kinda took that fast, but he wanted to lose it very badly, so i’m not too worried about it. really, i only have a few concerns. one is that he slept with me so that he’d lose it, but that’s hard to believe, but the fear remains. also, yesterday, i didn’t get him off before me and my parents were around so it was very nerve wracking for me but, of course, he found it exciting. i was very upset that i didn’t get him his but he told me it didn’t matter and that as long as i got mine, everything was alright. i wasn’t raging upset or anything. just a few tears that i couldn’t prevent. it wasn’t very bad.

but then he said that he thinks he might love me. this is the point in which, as chinua achebe once said, things fall apart. i mean, i don’t think that danny’s may not be the one or anything. i just don’t really want to think that far ahead because all my guys eventually leave me. i got used to the fact that my family will be the ones keeping me company when i’m old and grey. besides, he’s prolly only saying that because, well, i’m his first. you get attached. i just don’t know whether it’s because he really does or what. i also snuck out last night and brought him some dessert because he never got any because mom took forever in making dinner. and no responses to the IMs i left for him, but it could be because i saw him at his work. or it’s because i’m clinging to him too much. maybe i shouldn’t have brought him that dessert. i mean, i’m just trying to be nice and a good girlfriend but every time i try the guys run off. so does that mean those guys are messed up or right?

well, he’s on his way over. i should try to not worry so much.

~debbi