the moon hangs around

italy didn’t show. or i missed him. not sure which. i don’t rilly care. i’m mostly glad he didn’t show bc it would’ve been bad if i’d met him. i would’ve become step four. *sighs* I’M one to talk to kayleigh. sheesh.

so yea. i got lost for awhile and when i reemerged i was calling danny up to see where he was. if he’s been at the mall (wher he usually is) i woulda chilled, but he was with jeremy and mass other ppl so i said fuck it. i went to tri-county alone and spent some time there. saw greg. he waved. he’s so cute. when i left, i went to nikki’s, which i hadn’t done since.. like.. the beginning of this past summer. she’s still the self-centered lez i left on the couch in june. she spent hours rambling about herself and didn’t bother to even ask how i was feeling or what had been going on that day, let alone in the past months when we hadn’t been talking. so we watched jeepers creepers II (bc she’d never seen it) and then i split.

i headed home but suddenly felt the need to drive around for a bit so i started backtracking and winding around. stopped at bluebird’s for a second and then started to truly head home. i passed john’s house and i seriously started slowing down as if i was gona stop on the road right in front of it. i just felt the sudden urge to go in there and lay down on his bed next to him like we used to. put in me, myself and irene. have everyone upstairs and joey and jeanne on the next bed. just to rest for a little bit before going back outside.

it was late so i couldn’t. i think that’s a good thing as well. he needs to stay in the past. but i can’t help but reminisce and just miss him horribly at times. fuck it. he was my best goddamn friend. people say i’m a bright girl with great things going for me and all these things. then what? why’d that happen and he had to go? why does the person who truly seems to care live hours and hours and miles and hours away? and why is it, on nights that i need people the most, not for talking their ear off about bullshit or drama but just for company so i don’t go insane, no one is around?

maybe i just need some sleep before the festival tomorrow. three perfomances, zero tolerance.

~debbi