06/23/2013

Events have driven me back to OD. After my mother died I found it helpful to talk to a counselor, just to unload my feelings to a complete stranger was a relief at the time. That’s why I here now, and whether this gets read or not or noted, doesn’t matter, I can imagine it has.

I have just gone through two weeks of hell, my wife has spent that time in a foul mood, refusing to talk to me, or tell me what was wrong. We have had my cousin staying with us so she could visit our 76 year old aunt. Yesterday while I was with my cousin and aunt my wife decided to take off and spend the night at our place on the coast. That left me feeling very awkward, had I done it to her relatives, I would have been the worlds worst, Because of the way she has been, I felt a whole range of emotions; fear, anger, hurt, all of which I could not show. Early this morning I brought my cousin to the airport, and my wife turned up at home at 7 this evening, and I was and am still upset, not wanting to say too much in anger, and I’m the one in a mood and at fault. I am so tired of it, which is ironic as I am unable to sleep because of the conversations going round in my mind.

25 years of marriage and I think that separation may be for the best, note I’m not talking about divorce, as I what to go to our children’s weddings, no girlfriend to cause unpleasantness at those, so I have only the one option. Living alone may be my only way out of this hell, of feeling so empty, This entry probably makes me sound effeminate, don’t care