the drive

so i made it…..i drove the distance once again just to see you. i gave you a book, a first edition collectible of a collection of lord byron’s poems. your favorite. it’s that i even still remember these things, that i know there is still some underlying interest, and i could easily fall back into your trap.

i know that you’re vindictive and backstabbing now, and i know too that you’re wild and crazy throughout the whole process. yet still i made the journey just to see you after it had been so long. you smelled so sweet, exactly as i remember. yet you looked totally different like a whole different person. as the more time passed and i sat there engrossed in who this strange person was before me i slowly realized i didn’t much care for this person. you were loud and obnoxious, overbearing and controlling….but i’m just not your puppet anymore. i’ve grown up and i don’t let everyone run all over me anymore. you seemed shocked in this new person i was, like it didn’t seem like i was the person you knew those years ago, the person who spent passionate nights with you and shared everything i was until it was threadbare, it seemed like i needed convincing that you were infact who you said you were. where did the spark go? could it really just dissappear?

it seemed this trip was just the closer i needed to realize i had let you go and i didn’t need you anymore. i think it upset you that you no longer had that control over me. but in some way i almost really wish you would have that you could have coerced me into doing something crazy and totally not me…but instead you just realized that i’m a dork. i always told you but you didn’t believe me because i always had drugs or booze, i knew everyone, and had lots of friends. it was funny. and your other half is an exact replica of me. so hot bitches are really into dorks, who would have thought it? you still piss me off.

so you’re still calling and we’re on common ground now. i like fucking with you in the same manner you have me. i find some kind of solace within those moments, and i realize you have no idea that you’re not what i want anymore. but how i almost wish you were.