get your kicks before

the whole shithouse goes up in flames..

the passing thoughts come darting in my mind. tragic, mysterious, and dark. days come and go sometimes bleeding together as one, my life pauses….standing on the edge of forever. here, my heart hurts, consumed in a vertigo of facade versus illusion. these are the pawns in a wicked game, trial to the heart, searching for the reality which maintains its grasp on life.

she grows bored with her world, shuttered and dark, always alone. she yearns to know the feeling of being alive once again. to feel the world shifting beneath her feet. to feel the air fresh upon her skin. to feel the grass damp between her toes. to feel her world no longer confines her to a place so tiresome and regressed. her heart aches in denial of the distance between her heart and her brain. she wants only to know who she is, who she will be, who she can become. instead she feels petty, she feels trapped, she feels smothered, she feels her breath caught in her throat. somehow she has forgotten who she is. she is angry with herself for falling into this ceaseless routine.

she feels you inside her, the thought pulling at the threads that hold her together, she knows you all too well, she feels you with your hands ripping at her strings, wishing she would just fall apart, wishing she would disappoint in the same manner as you. she hears your voice whimisical and alluring, devastating to her will, breaking her…she knows you have been the only one who could break her. you have been the only one who has destroyed her. she feels the pain, sharp and hot, she feels the joy that has passed, she feels the absence that is left. she knows you can never care. she knows you can never care. she knows you cannevercare.sheknows….

she picks up the pieces, she shapes them together once again, she sees an image she recognizes. she knows it is simply herself. she knows she can never need you. she can never need you.

she is tired…….