my own prison

“at the end of never, a sea of hope waits near

cried of each tear fallen, a million dreams live here”

—————————————————————————————————————————

this is what love said to me, written in words pretty and neat, words which captivate still….

i sit here now before this once familiar page and think of how we both bled together like this in a time that now seems millions of years into our past. there are so many things i am compelled to relate to you here, yet not one of them convinces me of creating the closure sam says we both need. but several of them threaten to reopen a door, that while never was completely shut, certainly was only cracked. so which do i begin with? i guess with my heart thoughts that to this point in my life have been my highest truths. first i must say i take great risk in putting these thoughts to life as i jeopordize my life, it must show you the not so obvious faith i have still in you. to continue, and quite bluntly, i miss you and i wonder have you felt that? like the other day you came in and was talking to me and everyone, i believe it was the day i tickled your side – do you remember? i do, for i died a thousand times as my fingertips touched you for the first time again, felt the familiarity. but that day i realized a great and soul breaking thing, an epiphany if you will. you were standing in front of the office door talking to me and i looked down upon you smiling beautiful face. you had never looked more radiant and beautiful and i realized then at no point in my life had i been happier than when i spent those precious moments with you. i told sam about that and nearly cried at the paradise i had lost and at the price it had cost and that is the breaking of a heart i knew to be fragile. and precious. and while i know that i was wrong, that i broke sacred promises, sam says its the fault of neither of us – yet let it fall on my shoulders, for i feel it was me. that is all for now, i may add more later, i may not, but know – i miss you ……..

—————————————————————————————————————————-

just one among many, words you told me, things you wrote to me, pretty pictures which spoke the meaning of love without saying one word. my world was yours and your words gave light to a darkened heart, aching and lonely, but it seems such a lie, promises broken and forgotten. you could not make the deception completely alone though, because it wasn’t anything without me. ahhh memories, sometimes it’s good to remind oneself, but this one still hurts, still burns, still needs that thing which quenches its thirst.

this way is a waterslide away from me that takes her further everyday – weezer, say it ain’t so

I wonder if the things I did were just to be different To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation Here and now I’ll express, my situation
The more the light shines through me I pretend to close my eyes The more the dark consumes me I pretend I’m burning, burning bright – shinedown, burning bright