once more with feeling

every single night the same arrangement i go out and fight the fight
still i always feel the strange astrangement,nothing here is real, nothing here is right 
 i’ve been making shows of trading blows just hoping no one knows
i’ve just been going through the motions, walking through the part
nothing seems to penetrate my heart

will i stay this way forever sleepwalk through my life’s endeavor,
i don’t want to be
going through the motions, losing all my drive
i can’t even see,
if this is really me
and i just want to be alive.

riddle me this, riddle me that, who really knows where the truth lay at

the mystery is only one thing you see, who are you, who are we? to say the things all wrong would leave my world open and i dare not let anyone dwell in there. but i still know this feeling, an urge, an absolute and constant need,  a need to know what the truth might be.

and though my heart can love it seems still lost  on another, and the jealousy of myself is infact something i need to share. and i wonder if you even know how you touch my aching heart with the least possible attempt, but that doesn’t mean anything really.

at the end of every empty bottle still cannot cease the need in my heart and in my utmost state of confusion i shall be confused forever. i suppose it’s a good thing that i am not a cat.

could you reach inside my heart and feel the world burn up within my heart, could you know the agonizing revelations raging in my thoughts, only to be so wrong..

i cannot be.
i cannot be that urge explained, as it is easier to just pretend that i might still feel human, i am lost, confused, unable to play my cards anymore
because i have a losing hand as always.

what could i say, how could i make the truth so true within our thougths, how can i even imagine asking a question that may jepordize the future of a friemdship that i cannot even be sure of.

 

i touch the fire and it freezes me, i look into it and it’s black
why can’t i feel, my skin should crack and peel
i want the fire back
now through the smoke she calls to me, to make my way across the flames
to save the day or maybe melt away i guess it’s all the same
so i will walk through the fire cause where else can i turn
i will walk through the fire and let it burn

 life is but this,
living,
you have to go on living

 

this isn’t real but i just want to feel, where do we go from here?

 

 

dedicated to buffy the vampire slayer – once more with feeling