warning : we are somehow alive

and the reality hit me today, she is really gone, and a piece of who i am was crafted with her love, and i remember those weekends when the day was spent with her. as i drove down the highway, the music only somewhat loud, i could feel the pain growing, bursting at the seams, as the stitching broke apart, i felt the tears crowd my eyes. and as i cranked the volume, it festered at me inside, i could not hold on to the unknowing denial, and i could not let myself give in. then i needed someone, anyone to hold me, but there as i sat in my car in the parking lot of the place i work, i knew there was no one to fill that void and comfort my breaking heart,

i wanted my father, to know his strength, and to simply cry until i cried it all to waste, but instead i sucked it in, believing i could still continue my ride on the bus of reality, but my world was finally standing still. it was almost instaneous, as the weakness within pushed through, but i know it is no such weakness, but my humanity that ensued. and as i felt so helpless, hopeless in this despair, i needed just one to hold me, and let me cry right there.

the void remained empty, and the tears i simply dried, as i sucked up my humanity, and locked it up inside.