aspiring to relinquish control

a steady silence beckons tappping at the window, let me in, or is it let me out?

broken inside pick up the peices reach for the glue a stickey mess wipe the hands free but it stains taints the touch lost beyond a moment unable to reach

you told me so much once before and your forever was really not that long at all, all lies it would seem, promises and broken memories, why weren’t you ever there for me? if love were truly alive, would it behave in such an erratic manner, drawn to the fire, allconsuming, until combustion devours all the fuels, and the feeling smothers behind words stuck in my throat. i hate you but why do i love you. vice versa. i want to forget you but i want to have your memory forever. the way you slept peaceful, unaware, that was what i liked about watching you as you lay there, the one moment i truly knew you trusted me as your vague, imprinted suspiscions lay silent in your mind. you devoured me, used me, sucked the life right out of my essence. you haunt me still a feel a flesh in the blanket of dreams as sleep ravages my passions there you are the scent lingering sweetly upon my sheets as i awaken. your cracked paranoia. it is as bad as they say it is and they are all out to get you.

get out of my fucking head, let me rest in peace, let me love me for myself again

but i love you still
and i hate you for it
but i miss you now
my heart incessantly looking for you
but you were never really there….