Big Fat Pregnant Belly

I went around to my siblings new house Thursday (to drop off my their birthday presents). It’s a big place, 4 bedrooms, separate lounge, dinning, sitting room etc, etc, It’s an older style home but well kept. Anywayz I was going to say that for the first time I noticed how pregnant my sister looked, damn she is fat!!! I had to laugh and poke her belly, and tell her I hoped she enjoyed her slight build and water retention abilities while she wasn’t pregnant because she isn’t going to have them after she has pushed that out. She is huge! – I’m not used to seeing her so big, she is such a slight girl. The whole place is a disaster waiting to happen if you ask me, a very self absorbed pregnant lady, he partner, who she has kicked into the nursery, my youngest sister and her partner, whom she isn’t talking to, and by brother who at the best of times is slightly on the psychotic side and always disfunctional. It runs in the family.

Anyway enough of that more about me.

I am sick. I have the flu. I want to die. I don’t want to be at work.

I have to go to my first commission hearing tomorrow, the first of many undoubtedly. This one is what I would have thought to be straight forward. However, everyone is entitled to lodge an unfair dismissal, even dickheads who make death threats. So fingers crossed I don’t fcuk it up. I’m a little bit apprehensive, but I have worked in an arbitrary setting before, and have completed a fair bit of study on the processes and procedures, so I know the general ins and outs.

I am a little bit pissed of with Jay at the moment. He is due back into Canberra tomorrow! I can’t wait, I miss him like crazy and well it’s been three weeks without seeing him or sex! Damn it I’m male I need it twice a day. That isn’t the issue though, he leaves again on Friday to go up for appointments that aren’t until next Monday?!?! He tell me it is because he can’t afford to go up without a lift with one of his colleagues, I offered to pay for his plane tickets for him but he point blank refused. I can’t figure it out. It is his birthday on Sunday, and he wont be back until Tuesday, so I’m not sure wether to spring his presents on him til he gets back or not. I got him a rather nice (if I do say so) white gold link bracelet, with matching ring, and was going to take him to dinner, but that will have to take him when he returns. He has an aversion to his b’day and he doesn’t know that I know when it is, he has mentioned on several occasions that he doesn’t want to celebrate it, and it’s only when I stole a look at his driver’s licence that I found out. So as far as he knows – I don’t know, his absence is going to ruin half the surprise. Grr.

I woke up at 3am Saturday morning, feeling like shit, and couldn’t get back to sleep I ended up watching a made for TV movie that was on fox, called “Painful Secrets”. It – to me- was a very poignant movie. It was about a girl who cut herself, and the processes of why she did it and of her family trying to understand and deal with it. I have never cut myself, or caused any bodily harm (except in the consumption of narcotics) to myself, indeed I’ve never been on antidepressants. But my sister has, this girl happened to be the same age as her too (while she was going through this stage). It was extremely well done and very informative, graphic in some stages; after one scene where she surrendered her body to several teenage boys she goes on a chopping binge which results in surgery and a nice stay over in a psych ward. If I didn’t know any better it would have been modelled off my sister’s experiences. Again I will never look at my sister and say ‘why’, although I won’t ever understand why she needed to do it, I do understand that she thought it necessary, even if I don’t. ‘Painful Secrets’ if you want to gain an insight, then I recommend watching.

My trial run of Somac is almost over, and I have to say it has made me feel 120% better. I  have lost the nauseous feelings, and my appetite has returned to normal. I can eat breakfast now! >Kermit does it best< YAAAAAAAYAYYAAAY!

I’m going home now.

Song for the day: Samuel Barber – Adagio For Strings

LPH

Motherfuckers gonna drop the pressure