my reflection? of sorts.

I just don’t feel like my life is REAL.  Like it means anything.  Despite the fact that I’m feeling happier at the moment than I have in a while, I read his blog and couldn’t help feeling hollow and empty.  His life is so full of amazing things that I almost wish it was mine, or at least that I was still in it a bit.

I guess he’s just one of those special people who makes you feel really alive (and who you’ll never forget).  I feel like I don’t feel that often enough nowadays, but honestly I’m so happy and content right now.  I don’t even feel like something’s missing, but maybe it is.  

I find myself getting jealous a lot lately; of friendships that aren’t mine, or feeling sad for people that I miss so, so much.  There are a few I wish were still in my life at all.  

Sometimes I’ll be moved to tears while reading an article in the paper, or bawl my eyes out because everything seems so out of control.  Maybe he is the only one left, and maybe that’s a bad thing, because what will I do when he’s not there anymore?  I’ll be lost, but maybe I’ll be free?