August 7, 2006

Jealousy

i know exactly why i get angry … so very frustrated and angry … when i am confronted with the evidence that J is looking at porn without me. the first part is that it’s NEVER my going out and looking for evidence that makes it appear – i don’t want to know!!!! i’m happy in my obilivion!! when i don’t know, i can believe that the only reason he keeps turning me down is because of stress from work, or because he’s tired, or because he just doesn’t want it as much as he used to. but it’s always by accident, and it always immediately brings one question to mind: why doesn’t he ask ME?! why does he turn me down when i ask for it, then go look at porn and jack off when i’m not around?! it’s like the time he left his bath towel hanging on the towel bar in front of the toilet with a big cum booger on it. I JUST DON’T WANT TO KNOW!!! you always act like my asking you for attention is some big problem; WHY? why is it so impossible for YOU to come to ME, especially when you KNOW i want it because i’ve been asking for days?!?

and don’t fucking tell me that i’m just insecure and there’s no reason i should be feeling like this and there’s nothing wrong … that’s CRAP. i want to know what’s wrong with ME.

dear God why is it that i’ll never be able to actually say this to his face ..?

what’s happening to us??

-jillianmarie

August 8, 2006

hey look, I don’t know you. and what I’m about to say is solely from your entry that I’ve read, the ONE thing by you, so don’t hate me if it’s little off. but you NEED to confront him about this. it won’t make you a bitch or needy or anything- it would simply make you a normal assertive woman in a relationship, as opposed to what you’re being now- insecure, and nonconfrontational- in effect,

HIDING. I know this will not sink into your mind, but there’s nothing wrong with you. you need more attention; he needs to give it. plain, simple. if he overreacts by you asking him or telling him this (CALMLY and in a non-accusatory manner), then he’s wrong. promise. besides, honestly, the hell have you got to lose from demanding attention?? the worst that could happen is thatyou would

see another “cum-booger”, as you so eloquently put it, on his towel again. and lord, does it get any worse than that??

acurioustango

I totally understand, I would feel the same way if my boyfriend constantly looked at porn. This is not an issue of your insecurity or security–you have every right to be upset.