Milestones and such

 I don’t know how I managed it but lost a pound and half this past week.  I was really expecting to be up because I’m having weird post period PMS symptoms again meaning I’m feeling bloated and uncomfortable (and we won’t even talk about the crabbiness).  I did allow myself to eat whatever for Easter and not worry about it.  Although I certainly can see how crappy I feel these days with sugary desserts I try to stay away from now.  Who knows.  Maybe the weird PMS symptoms have been exaggerated from that aspect too.  Either way, I’ll take it.

I also managed another fun milestone on Sunday.  I haven’t done any regular running but had made myself a goal for this past Saturday.  I figured it was a good day to do it as it would give myself some much needed me time where I could reflect and think about lots of things while pushing myself to a new level of fitness.  I’m not good at just aimlessly running.  Plus, loops and such would get boring fast for me so I made myself a destination – the coffee shop.  What else could be better motivation than to jog for my weekly coffee splurge?  I had a vague idea of distance due to looking at driving directions but my path was different than the one we use to drive so I was guessing around 5 miles.  I actually wasn’t sure if I’d make it all the way but since the plan was for hubby and the kids to meet me there (or pick me up on the way), I just took my phone and didn’t worry about it.  I felt pretty darn good about it that I managed to make it the whole way and really jogged the majority of it.  I warmed up the first half mile by walking and did about the same for cool down.  

I was happy to share my triumph with the coffee shop owners.  We talk to them regularly when we’re there since we’ve been going to the place since John was one.  Mom runs the register when she’s there, dad seems to take care of all the back end business stuff and their two sons are the front runners doing all the work with coffee purchasing, roasting, creating their menu and kitchen work.  I was telling mom as I ordered something to cool down with before my coffee and she happened to pass it on to her son who happens to run and he was quite nice and congratulatory about it all.  When things slowed down, he came by with his tablet to show me a site where I can map out my paths to get actual distances.  For anyone interested, it’s called mapmyrun.com.  Nice site and I ended up mapping out all my routes, even the ones I walk so I can actually see what they were for a change.  So, my run for my coffee?  It ended up being 6.3 miles door to door so I actually ended up jogging just over 5 miles.  It felt awesome even if I did walk around like an old lady for the next two days due to my quads being so sore.  Walking up and down stairs was a joke.

John also managed a fun big boy milestone as well by loosing his first tooth.  It has been wiggly for a while now but I have the only kid (or so it seems) who would not even touch it or wiggle it.  His adult tooth was coming in slightly behind so one side of the tooth was taking its sweet time coming out.  I finally told him he needs to start wiggling it more because we want his new tooth to come in right.  He was still against it but managed to finally bribe him by saying that maybe if it came out before Easter, the tooth fairy may leave some chocolate too instead of just money.  It was enough to start the process and finally on Saturday he was really working it and it came out before dinner.  Woo!  Then he was quite excited about it all and I suspect future teeth won’t be so problematic in getting him to be part of the process.  True my word, we left him a little bunny chocolate too and he was so stoked.  

Easter was good.  It was a small gather for us as my one sister (the nurse) had to work and my other sister decided to go down and visit her son at college since it is his first year down and she felt guilty having him be alone on Easter.  That left my brother and mom.  I should have known that things would go poorly for them when my  mom told me my brother was spending the night at moms the night before to get some laundry done.  I didn’t really know anything was wrong until the end of the visit but I was certainly sensing it the whole time.  I didn’t feel relaxed as we ate lunch.  Trying to get conversation going was impossible.  Mom was antsy the whole time but that didn’t really tip me off because she can be that most of the time.  Finally towards the end, I told her to sit down already and relax.  she doesn’t have to rush out the door as soon as we’re done with lunch and everything.  Than she made a cryptic remark (my brother and hubby were downstairs so not in ear shot) that things are not all as it seems and she’ll tell me later.  So obviously there were words between them.  Ugh.

I don’t even know what triggered it.  It could have been either them.  I wish mom would let things be with him.  I understand she’s concerned and doesn’t like the path his life has turned down (most of us don’t mainly because things are so unstable for him) but he’s an adult and needs to be responsible for himself.  And yes, she’s right.  It is concerning and sad that my brother who is 46 in such a hole that he actually has to decide where to use his spare money to do his laundry or to put a gallon or two of gas in his car.  He can’t make his rent, etc.  It’s so unfortunate.  But mom telling him that getting a part-time job while trying to get his personal business going isn’t going to do any good.  At least she is mature and in a good place to know that forking over a month’s worth of rent to him won’t do him any good.  It only postpones the inevitable that he won’t have any money the next month either.  Honestly, I don’t know how he is managing, especially with all the debt he apparently has.  Collectors have been trying to find him at my mom’s house too.  Ugh.  

and then there is my brother who is apparently dealing with some "major" issues when it comes to mom and it’s his reason why he has not been apart of family functions for the past year or two.  Okay.  I have and had my issues with mom.  Mom is not perfect and I wish she would do things to make her life better, etc.  I wish things were different and better growing up and she certainly played her role.  At some point, as an adult I have to accept that that is my past, find a way to make peace with it and move on.  I can’t spend the rest of my life blaming (which my brother has done a lot of).  So I dunno.  I wonder if he "confronted" her with something that made things unpleasant for both of them.  He once accused my mom of sexual abuse (not physically but the emotional type when a parent latches on to a kid to take on the emotional role of their partner.  I had a brief conversation about it with him once.) but he never explained that to her.  He just showed up at the doorstep one day, stood at the door and told her that she sexually abused him and then left.  I mean.  Fucking serious?!?!  My mom is still torn up about it and it was like over ten years ago.

Hubby is finishing up bathtime with the kids so it’s time to get up there before there is level three meltdown up there.