faking it

I don’t know what to say.  I don’t know what I’m doing literally or figuratively.  I’m trying to be as legally numb as possible and mindless television is like an intellectual lobotomy.

I realize Jordan’s on the other side of the world right now but my logical mind doesn’t miss him.  In fact, when he’s around I’m awfully bitchy because of all the things he’s not doing while sitting around playing his PSP which I bought for him.

There’s a vague gnawing feeling but I wouldn’t quite call it a longing just yet and in fact have longed for a lover who would satisfy me and have fantasized about such a faceless lover and I don’t know what will happen when Jordan gets home.  He really doesn’t do eenough for me, literally or figuratively for me to give a shit.

That’s problematic, don’t you think.