you got me all confused…

            So last time I wrote in here, I told ya’ll about what Brian & I have been doing.  But I didn’t tell ya’ll how I’ve been *feeling*, which I think is a bit more important, but it’s also a bit more complicated & confusing.  I’m kinda surprised at how much I’ve come to like him in such a short time, esp since most of the time we are hanging out, we are drunk or making out.  And also esp b/c we have so very little in common.

            He smokes pot A LOT, which I’m really not thrilled about.  I can deal w/ it b/c it doesn’t seem to change his attitude much, but it’s just the fact that he feels the need to do it every day.  Plus he admitted to me that he knows that if he didn’t spend so much money on it, he could be living on his own right now instead of at home w/ his parents.  But still he doesn’t want to stop.

            We have totally different tastes in music, movies & TV.  He’s told me I’m “closed-minded” & a “snot” b/c I’m not into the shit he likes, & that kinda offends me (I know he’s just busting my chops & doesn’t mean it, but it’s still annoying).  He wouldn’t pick up a book to save his life & he acts like me enjoying reading makes me a social leper or something.  Geez, sorry for being literate.

            Most of his friends are in their early 20’s (some aren’t legally allowed in the bar yet, which doesn’t mean they don’t go there anyway of course). What could I possibly have in common w/ these people?  They all smoke pot.  They’re all very touchy feely, which kinda gets on my nerves when I see him all huggy w/ some girl, or putting his arm around her.  His friends have never been mean to me, & *as far as I know* they’ve never talked shit about me.  But I just don’t feel like I fit in w/ these people.

            Then there was the stripper booze cruise incident of last weekend.  Last Friday night I was at the bar w/ him & his friends, & he told me about a booze cruise he was going on Sat night.  He told me that he would’ve invited me but it was a “guys night”.  I told him I totally understood cuz I have plenty of guy friends, blah blah.

            A few minutes later, he went to smoke w/ 1 of his friends so this girl Jen started talking to me.  She asked me if I was going on the booze cruise the next night & I was totally thrown for a loop.  I went outside to smoke a cig & when Brian came back, he tried to hug & kiss me.  When I wouldn’t let him, he asked me why I was upset, so I told him that his female friend had just asked me if I was going on the booze cruise the next night.

            He told me that reason he’d told me it was a guys night was b/c there were gonna be strippers on the cruise, & he hadn’t wanted to tell me that b/c he only knew me for 2 weeks & didn’t know how I’d feel about it.  (Apparently Jen is bi-sexual & very into strippers.  Yah, interesting).  I told him that from now on he should just be honest & up front w/ me, that I’d rather hear the truth no matter what it was. 

            He said he’d tell me everything from now on, & then told me that he wanted me to go w/ him since I was cool w/ it (which btw I never *said*, cuz I’m not really cool w/ strippers.  He just assumed I was ok w/ it b/c I told him I was pissed b/c he’d told me 1 thing & his friend told me another).  I said maybe.  (I didn’t end up going, not b/c of the strippers but b/c at the last min he said we had to be ready earlier than planned & I didn’t have time to get ready & I was tired anyway.)

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;      But that’s all the negatives, there ARE some positives or I obviously wouldn’t be bothering w/ him.  He’s very affectionate, which I like a lot.  He’s always putting his arm around me & or grabbing my butt, & he kisses me a lot too.  He pays for almost everything we do together, which I know some girls think should be expected, but I’ve NEVER expected that from anyone so to me it’s very appreciated.  He’s pretty good w/ calling when he says he will, tho he’s not perfect but he IS a guy, & he’s also a pothead & I’ve been told by Jim how much that affects your short term memory, heh.

            He calls me “my girl” to his friends, which I think is really cute.  The other day when Mike shook my hand too hard & I said “ouch”, Brian punched him on the shoulder & told him to be careful.  So I feel like I’ve got this big teddy bear (he’s about 6’1 I believe, & he’s built like a football player, w/ a bit of a beer gut too haha) to cuddle w/ & to protect me, & I like that.  It’s a big change from the guys I’ve dated in the past, who’ve all been pretty thin & close to my height, but it’s a good change.

            We still haven’t had the relationship convo (where we discuss if we’re dating or not) & I’m still wary of bringing it up yet.  I figure if he doesn’t say anything in the next couple of weeks then maybe I’ll try to approach the subject, I just don’t want to scare him away by bringing it up too soon.  Since I’ve already met a lot of his friends, I’m assuming there are no other girls he’s doing anything w/ at the same time as me.  He doesn’t seem like that kind of guy anyway.  But eventually I do wanna know if he thinks of us as exclusive & all that.

           Well that’s about it for me now I guess.  I will def keep everyone posted on what happens w/ Brian & I, hopefully only good things of course.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!  Till next time…