not so generalities.

Don’t you hate it when something happens and your entry gets deleted before you can post it?? grr… think it was a power surge… sigh!

So… as i was typing…

Yesterday was and up and down day, generally good though.

Morning, bright and early, I headed to University for the second run of auditions. It was more of an all-day theatre workshop than a true audition. It was an opportunity for the directors and the artistic director to watch us interact, to get to know us a little, and put us through our paces. So the day consisted of various theatre ‘games’. The morning was everyone together in a big group. They had us warm up, then stand in a circle and introduce ourselves, say something about ourselves, all while keeping a beat… it was definitely interesting… and not as easy as it sounds for some of the people there… 🙂 I guess it was ONE way of seeing who has a sense of rhythm. We did a bunch of little games afterwards, a way of breaking the ice, seeing how well we follow directions, who’s willing and able to look and act completely foolish…

Afternoon we were broken up into smaller group and sent to workshops with each of the directors, including the artistic director. First up was the director of Moulin Rouge, so they had us try to learn a quick choreography (Lady Marmelade) and then sing Like A Virgin as little groups, and finally Hey Jude individually (just little bits, not the whole thing). It was definitely interesting… and boy am I NOT a dancer… lol!

Second was a little more slow paced, more about interactions with ourselves and others. So she had us pass from a completely mellow and relaxed state to a commanding, authoritative voice. I once again have no control over my eyebrows… I swear I would be incapable of communicating if I didn’t have those. The second part was intense, all it invovled was walking towards another person, and, eyes locked, you circle around each other. after a moment, she directs  you to touch the other person’s shoulder and keep turning, then you say the first thing that comes to your mind. We were paired up, and it was interesting to see that the instictive reactions were not the same, there were 6 pairs, and the result was completely different. From fear to romance and from rejection to anguish.

We had a table read workshop, just some cold reads with the artistic director. Then afterwards it was the power of interpretation through body and voice, rather than words. How to get someone’s attention even though there are people talking all around. We each had a phrase to say, in a regular tone of voice, all at the same time, and somehow, we had to get the director to hear US. I think I managed… he didn’t really tell us though… lol! There were other similar things, all with the same sentence.

The last workshop was interesting, the director had us read from the play, but changing voices while reading and throwing in random sounds. Or feelings, or accents. Some people are really, really talented.

All in all, I left feeling energised and positive. I love interacting with theatre folk. As a group they tend to be open and friendly and generally willing to appear foolish. It’s so refreshing. I think it went well, I hope I managed to impress at least one director enough. I don’t know which play I’m most interested in. The one that I thought was really cool, unfortunately the rehearsals are on Wednesday, which is when I have choir practice… Doing the musical would be cool, but I kind of want to act, not just be in the chorus… but then again, there is always the possibility of more than one play, seeing as two of them end early (November and December). But we’ll see, I should hear back sometime this week. And in the meantime, I got to meet some really interesting people, which I hope to see again.

Called Frédéric when I got home, as we had made tentative plans, so I ended up heading over to his place. My energy started to dwindle around the time I got there, but I was still feeling good, and still making silly accents… lol! We had a relaxed rest of the afternoon, towards the beginning of the evening though, I could sense that he was feeling a little down, but I let him be. I’m a firm believer in the power of distraction, if people don’t want to talk. So we hit the grocery store and the movie rental shop. So he made up some garlic shrimp, chicken wings and salad and we popped in the movie… which in our usual fashion, we didn’t end up seeing the end of… but not for our usual reason.

We started talking about something we had seen in the movie, and he ended up telling me about when he was 17, how the girl he was sleeping with at the time had gotten pregnant and had an abortion and he only found out about it 5 years later. Heavy stuff… it seemed to cycle him back into his earlier mood. And suddenly he just started talking about it all, how he didn’t feel like he had any direction, that he was floundering, didn’t feel like he was working towards anything, had no real goals to accomplish. That he isn’t happy about where he’s ended up, he’s sick of staring at his four walls, but at the same time, anytime he’s not at home, he feels the NEED to go back, he can feel his energy draining when he isn’t there, but he knows that going home doesn’t help that. He says that there’s nothing he feels passionnate about… he can’t even picture himself in a couple, it seems foreign to him, he doesn’t hate his job, but it’s not really what he wants to be doing… He’s taking steps to try to change his habits, but can’t seem to muster up much energy or ambition… He thinks it might be remnants of his depression, but he doesn’t want to end up on antidepressants because he hates not feeling.

He almost broke my heart. To hear him being so matter of fact, but so visibly unhappy. I just wanted to be able to say something or do something to make it better… but knowing that there wasn’t anything I could do. Nothing but listen. It feels like so little, I know it isn’t… I know that my just being there helped, but I felt so helpless… I’m glad that he decided to talk to me about it… but depression, anxiety, lack of energy or motivation… it’s not something I really know how to relate to. I’m afraid that I don’t have too much to contribute.

Eventually we just went to bed, and just kind of held each other… I didn’t really sleep so well. This morning he seemed better, I kind of didn’t want to leave, he’s beautiful to see when he’s doing well… but yesterday is still haunting me a bit…