wedding thoughts (thoughts/advice welcomed)

I was talking to my best friend on the phone tonight… she’s also engaged. In fact, her wedding is only 20 days after mine! We’ve always marvelled at how our lives kinda “mirrored” each other… not in every detail, but we kinda seem to follow the same paths in life. She dated and became engaged first; we both went off to college around the time; i became engaged; we’re the same college majors… and a bunch of other stuff. Anyways, we were talking about our wedding plans… and the impossibility of it all. We both feel overwhelmed with this idea of “planning.”

I see my wedding as being a stressful, overly expensive event that will last three hours, if that. I can not picture myself in a wedding dress, I can’t picture anything about that day. This kind of worries me. Since I can’t picture anything, I am having a difficult time deciding on a general “theme,” as well as colors and decorations, etc.

I told Jaimee that I couldn’t elope: the only possible chance to do that would be two weeks before the wedding and by then, everything would be payed for. So what then? Could I just blow everyone off without hurting their feelings? Did I have to do this? The more we talked, the more I realized how much I dreaded that day. All the planning and decisions, the cost, the amount of time it would all take… and for what? Three hours? Oh, that’ll be $8,000+, thanks! I don’t want that. I don’t want to look back on my wedding day and remember how stressed I was. This year has taught me a lot on how much my body can handle… and it’s not a lot. For most of this school year, I’ve had physical illness because of my stress level… How can I finish my senior year of college along with planning a wedding and applying/planning for grad school? I’m not superhuman. I don’t have the time or the resources to plan a wedding that will take place two hours from where I currently live!

After I finished my phone call, I called Matt and talked to him about my conversation. We talked about how he wanted the day to be for me –its my day to shine he said. And that’s true… But what if I’m so stressed out I’m sick to my stomach like I’ve been so recently? Then I had a new realization.

Most girls grow up and dream of their wedding day. They think of all the details… what the ceremony will be like, what music they’ll have, the dress, the food… blah blah blah. That’s not how I grew up. I grew up dreaming of my engagement day. I couldn’t wait to be asked those four precious words: Will you marry me?

And you know what? My engagement day was better than I ever dreamed. I have a gorgeously fantastic ring and a wonderful memory. I don’t care about a wedding. I really don’t. I don’t think I’m going to have one anymore. (awaits the sound of shock and disbelief of the world)

Really, I don’t want a wedding. I don’t need a white dress – its impratical and silly, to be honest. I don’t need fancy flowers or a bouquet. In fact, all I want is Matt and our families to be there: my grandmother, my parents, my sister, Matt’s grandparents, his parents, and his brother. That’s all. I’ll wear a white suit, we’ll go to the courthouse, then we’ll go out to dinner and have a nice meal at a chic restaurant. And I’ll be married.

There will be no stress. It will be a wonderful, happy day. We’ll send out announcements afterwards… Why not? I don’t need a long ceremony with a preacher… I don’t need poetic vows – Matt and I share those almost every day with each other. I just need a piece of paper with our signatures. That’s all I want.

And you know what, I can picture it this time. And I am so happy.