it feels like i got married

 

“We get some rules to follow
That and this
These and those
No one knows….”

 

 

Dear Diary:

 

I woke up Saturday a nervous wreck.  Big Bad woke up in an unusually good mood.

 

Big Bad, the Fire Hydrant along with my tired ass dragged ourselves to an early morning dance rehearsal.  No mention of what lay ahead. 

 

“We get these pills to swallow
How they stick
In your throat
Tastes like gold….”

 

We dressed for the wedding and talked about making the whole process stress free with no added mention as to why we were both making sure we stayed cool and collected.

 

The wedding was beautiful even with the God Squad putting me and Big Bad directly under the ever critical eye of said microscope.  Big Bad thought it was funny, go figure.

 

“Oh, what you do to me
No one knows…”

 

The bride shed tears of joy and for a few moments god cried with her.

 

“Heaven smiles above me
What a gift there below
But no one knows…..”

 

Big Bad and I walked around the roof of Jackson Square talking about the service and how interesting there was no “you may now kiss the bride”.  No mention of what lay ahead.

 

 

As there was no mention I thought perhaps Big Bad was going to back out and I was most sure I would let him.  Dinner was delicious yet warm. Allen drooled over the groom’s sister with his girlfriend right beside him, oblivious.  Miss July cried when her and her ex’s song was played as he (the ex) sat moping at another table complaining about how “hot” Miss July was looking.

 

“I journey through the desert
Of the mind
With no hope
I found low…”

 

I danced while Big Bad socialized until a Great Big Sea song came up which is always Big Bad’s cue to leave.

 

We drove home and checked in with each other on the ceremony and acted pseudo astonished at all the damn drama in the room and waxed sentimental about all the left tits Allen willingly, happily sucks.  No mention of what lay ahead.

 

We arrived home to find not one but all of the housemates, home, awake and partying.  We arrived home to find that the Fire Hydrant had brought his Zoftig German girlfriend back to watch a movie, in the room next to us.  I thought perhaps with a house full of unwilling potential "spectators" Big Bad was going to back out and I was most sure I would let him. 

 

 

“I drift along the ocean
Dead lifeboats in the sun
And come undone….”

 <

/p>

 

I felt otherworldly, my body; a mass of blue sensation.  I showered to wash the footloose dance sweat off my body and to try and bring my thoughts back in from their separate and transcendental journeys to no avail.  I couldn’t bring myself to don a little baby doll and I certainly couldn’t roam around the house to look for my silk pajama pants and a shelf shirt. 

 

I put on my oversized t-shirt complete with a few bleach stains and kitchen wall paint and I crawled in beside Big bad.  I bounced onto the bed the way I do every night and suggested Trailer Park Boys (season 5) was in order.  Ricky’s so stupid.  Bubbles is funny.  I hear Mike Smith is an asshole, though.

 

“Pleasantly caving in
I come undone….”

 

 

Big Bad wrapped his arm around my thighs and began stroking the under side of my knee with his thumb.  A tiny circling energy of warm started there.  My breath quickened and he knew it.  I don’t know how my words are going to fall out from here because this was the beginning of something I do not know of.

 

 

He asked me if I wanted to lie down and I said “yes”, not knowing if it was true.  He fluffed the pillows and the comforter and I crawled in first .  I spooned him as we watched the tv but he wrapped his arm around my thighs and continued tracing tiny circles up and down my inner thighs.  I tentatively traced the waist of his boxers. 

 

Then Big bad turned around to face me and he kissed me; dragging is lips across mine until I cannot stand it a second longer and then kissing me deeply and soulfully and I become so intoxicated that I only have brief clips in my mind of what happened after he kissed me.

 

It’s hard to describe things that are so much more than you can ask or imagine and yet you know you wrote down, somewhere; something vaguely ringing a bell.  I remember moving so slow and deliberate that it felt like my soul was trying to burst from my body.  I remember big Bad whispering that he thought he could come already and I remember feeling exactly the same and no pretty parts had been contacted at that time, not even a nipple.

 

“And I realize you’re mine
Indeed a fool of mine
And I realize you’re mine
Indeed a fool of mine
Ahh….”

 

 

I remember Big Bad asking if I was “sure”.  I couldn’t find my words and it took me an eternity to nod.  Then we both lay there nose to nose, entangled in the others arms and I knew there was something we were forgetting.

 

“you okay?” he asked in a uneasy voice.  Another eternity before I manage to squeak out,

 

“condom, you said you felt better when you used one”, and he agreed.

 

I remember opening the package and sliding it over his pretty part seamlessly.  I remember saying “I’m going to move now”, just before straddling him.  I remember kissing his eyelids, his forehead, the bridge of his nose then guiding him to my pretty then ….

 

He was all the way inside of me and I held there, very still as we kissed and he grabbed me and pulled me hard against his body while he convulsed against me before falling back on the bed.  Emotions that I have never felt before filled me and they spilled out of my eyes and into his hair, lyin

g on the pillow.

 

Then something happened, that I don’t understand but while he was moving the last of his love out inside, he touched somewhere, I don’t know…… very still as we kissed and I grabbed him and pulled him hard against my body while my body and my soul convulsed against him before falling down on top of him.  Emotions that he’s  never felt before filled him and they spilled out of his eyes and trickled down his face into his hair, lying on the pillow.

 

“A gift that you give to me
No one knows…”

 

I still feel otherworldly, my body; a mass of blue sensation.  Something happened that I don’t understand.   I don’t know this.  Big Bad said he almost once felt something close to this but the experience didn’t end well. He’s deep in the middle of processing this thing that happened that neither of this has words for because it was such a good thing that he hadn’t considered that before.

 

I still feel otherworldly, my body; a mass of blue sensation.  Something happened that I don’t understand.   I don’t know this.  I feel like my body moved with something else other than my intent.  I feel like I didn’t orgasm from sexual stimulation but from love. 

 

 

 

“Pleasantly caving in
I come undone ….”       

 

 

 

Sin