Sin Savage

June 9, 2008

The Allison Reynolds approach to Living

Dear Diary:

Allison Reynolds: Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke, your birth date’s March 12th, you’re 5’9 and a half, you weigh 130 pounds and your social security number is 049380913.
Andrew Clark: Wow. Are you psychic?
Allison Reynolds: No.
Brian Johnson: Well, would you mind telling me how you know all this about me?
Allison Reynolds: I stole your wallet.

I SHOULD HAVE …

enough money within the cedar chest (about $1200) to move out
and rent a place of your own,
even if I never want to or need to…

I SHOULD HAVE ….

something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of my dreams wants to see me in an hour…

I SHOULD HAVE ..

a youth/reputation I’m content to leave behind….

I SHOULD HAVE …

a past juicy enough that I’m looking forward to
retelling it in my old age….

I SHOULD HAVE …..

a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra. ..

I SHOULD HAVE ….

one friend who always makes me laugh… and one who lets me cry…

I SHOULD HAVE ….

a good piece of jewellry not previously owned by anyone else in my family…

I SHOULD HAVE …

a modicum of matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make my dinner guests feel cherished…

I SHOULD HAVE ..

a feeling of control over my destiny…

Allison Reynolds: I’ll do anything sexual. I don’t need a million dollars to do it either.
Claire Standish: You’re lying.
Allison Reynolds: I already have. I’ve done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I’m a nymphomaniac.
Claire Standish: Lie.
Brian Johnson: Are your parents aware of this?
Allison Reynolds: The only person I told was my shrink.
Andrew Clark: And what did he do when you told him?
Allison Reynolds: He nailed me.
Claire Standish: Very nice.
Allison Reynolds: I don’t think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape, since I paid him.
Claire Standish: He’s an adult.
Allison Reynolds: Yeah, he’s married too.
Claire Standish: Do you have any idea how completely gross that is?
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line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt”>Allison Reynolds: Well, the first few times…
Claire Standish: The first few times? You mean you did it more than once?
Allison Reynolds: Sure.
Claire Standish: Are you crazy?
Brian Johnson: Obviously she’s crazy if she’s screwing a shrink.
Allison Reynolds: Have you ever done it?
Claire Standish: I don’t even have a psychiatrist.
Allison Reynolds: Have you ever done it with a normal person?
Claire Standish: Didn’t we already cover this?
John Bender: You never answered the question.
Claire Standish: Look, I’m not going to discuss my private life with total strangers.
Allison Reynolds: It’s kind of a double edged sword isn’t it?
Claire Standish: A what?
Allison Reynolds: Well, if you say you haven’t, you’re a prude. If you say you have you’re a slut. It’s a trap. You want to but you can’t, and when you do you wish you didn’t, right?
Claire Standish: Wrong.
Allison Reynolds: Or are you a tease?
Andrew Clark: She’s a tease.
Claire Standish: I’m sure. Why don’t you just forget it.
Andrew Clark: Oh, you’re a tease and you know it. All girls are teases.
John Bender: She’s only a tease if what she does gets you hot.
Claire Standish: I don’t do anything.
Allison Reynolds: That’s why you’re a tease.
Claire Standish: OK, let me ask you a few questions.
Allison Reynolds: I already told you everything.
Claire Standish: No. Doesn’t it bother you to sleep around without being in love. I mean, don’t you want any respect?
Allison Reynolds: I don’t screw to get respect. That’s the difference between you and me.
Claire Standish: It’s not the only difference I hope.
John Bender: Face it, you’re a tease.
Claire Standish: I’m NOT a tease.
John Bender: Sure you are. Sex is your weapon. You said it yourself. You use it to get respect.
Claire Standish: No, I never said that she twisted my words around.
John Bender: What do you use it for then?
Claire Standish: I don’t use it period.
John Bender: Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological?
Claire Standish: I didn’t mean it that way. You guys are putting words into my mouth.
John Bender: Well, if you’d just answer the question.
Brian Johnson</b>: Why don’t you just answer the question?
Andrew Clark: Be honest.
John Bender: No big deal.
Brian Johnson: Yeah answer it.
Andrew Clark: Answer the question, Claire.
John Bender: Talk to us. Every one: C’mon, answer the question. Come on. Answer it.
John Bender: C’mon, it’s easy. It’s only one question.
Claire Standish: NO I NEVER DID IT.
Allison Reynolds: I never did it either. I’m not a nymphomaniac. I’m a compulsive liar.

Allison Reynolds: [after Andrew says he would drive to school naked for one million dollars] I’d do that. I’ll do anything sexual, and I don’t need a million dollars to do it either. I’m a nymphomaniac.

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

how to fall in love without losing herself…

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…..

Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what?!..uh…never mind..” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he’ll assume he did something wrong and he’ll obsess about it trying to figure it out.

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship…

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

guy-speak

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

t hat she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you’re with your boyfriend, he’s probably jealous and likes you.

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

that her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice. Actually, if anyone tells you their problems they just need you to listen and not to eitorialize.

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=”color: #333333″>
EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

Guys get jealous easily. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to. Don’t talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend. Boyfriends need to be reassured often that they’re still loved, just like you.

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
and how to jam…. When a girl’s got to jam

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

Try to be as straightforward as possible. Guys really don’t understand us.

Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn’t notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW.. .

whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table..
or a impeccable room in at the Sheridan…
when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

What she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…

Allison Reynolds: When you grow up, your heart dies.
John: So, who cares?
Allison Reynolds: I care.

EVERY GIRL SHOULD KNOW…

Guys hate sluts.

Yours Truly,

The Original Sin