almost understandable

Dear Diary:

 

The only thing of any earthly interest to me is May 10th.  ‘Course Big bad is making noise like it’s not going to happen.  See, Big Bad has issues (actually it’s more like an entire magazine rack), about sexual activity occurring when other housemates are around and as we’ve acquired not one but two new house mates Big Bad’s making noise about the 10th.  Admittedly it could be considered an oversight on my part…… meaning I forgot we might not be alone in the house.

 

So I don’t want to go to any extravagance to be preempted by The Fire Hydrant sleeping a floor below us. I am wary of making plans to have them broken.  Going out on a limb to find out the tree doesn’t exist is a particularly unpleasant situation to find yourself in.  If it weren’t I’d be busy right now going over techniques for operant conditioning and psychological manipulation and gleefully getting a plan in place like a hooky playing freshman.  Instead I’m writing to you.

 

Side note: did a test on facebook to find out what my animal spirit guide is…..yeah, it’s a wolf.

 

Let’s do a recap shall we? 

 

The Big Bad Wolf is

-afraid to touch pussy

-afraid to cum

-afraid to eat pussy

-afraid to cum early

-afraid of intercourse

-afraid of women

-afraid of love

-afraid of responsibility

-afraid of commitment

 

 

The Big Bad Wolf is

-not afraid to let me tie him up

-not afraid to touch my ass

-not afraid to kiss me

-not afraid to cum on different parts of my body

-not afraid to ask me for head

-not afraid to kiss, and lick, and nibble, and bite at my ass

-not gay

 

 

 

Is it me or aren’t these sexually repressive taboos, morals and practice a major component of anti-enlightened power and a manipulation-sustaining instrument.  Isn’t this just more narcissistic bone tossing?  “Almost anything” means I have to figure out the/his/our limits, doesn’t it?  And aren’t I chasing just another one of those bones that Big Bad’s so fond of tossing my way?

 

(DON’T SAY IT, I ALREADY KNOW… IT’S THE ONLY BONE I’M GETTING, more or less but I digress…)

 

From Freud and Masserman on, various authors and experiments found that sexual frustration is closely associated with the generation of anxiety. 

 

One rather basic cause of human sexuality being so frequently associated with shame, frustration, shyness and other negative feelings

is the following. By far most young people start experiencing sex via masturbation, that dominates their sex life for years. Well, this implies it, and orgasm – the utmost human catharsis -, to become associated with surrogate, with our not being in a position to get the real thing, and lacking the experiences desired most of all, in much secret yearning.  Sad, eh?

 

 

Our sexual existing order, between Big Bad and Little Me, implies much frustration and so radical a non-awakening that even major sources of it as mentioned: we are both simply collectively repressed, we are still in a rather primitive stage, with all consequences of it, leads to emotional manipulation and power, whether I take the reigns or not.  (What a fucking mouthful, eh?) If I make the plans to take the reigns and he forfeits, I’ll feel shame and frustration,  if I don’t make the plans I’ll feel ill at ease and unprepared and I’ll feel I didn’t keep up my end of the bargain.  If I take the reigns he gets his way, if I don’t take the reigns he gets his way, if I make the plan he gets his way, if I don’t make the plan he gets his way….all roads lead to my total and utter frustration from sexual starvation.  What the hell kind of Machiavellian Love Nest of Spiders have I fallen into?  Oh what tangled webs we weave when we’re trying to get some kind of groove going on.

 

 

“Newly acquired insights are at first only half understood by the one who begets them, and appear as complete nonsense to all others… Any new idea which does not appear very strange at the outset, does not have a chance of being a vital discovery.”

 

 

Your Majesty,

 

Queen Bee