Where did my faith go?

As a child you see things so differently,
you play with imaginary friends,
you worry not about the bills you have to pay,
you have no idea what bill will pass,
everything in your world can be fixed,
with a lollipop an ice cream,
or a quick trip to your local toy store.
You believe things when they are told to you,
you don’t doubt the word of your parents,
because all in all they are your parents,
they are the holders of the wisdom you one day will have,
they are the first and final word in any sentence you can say,
they teach you anything that u know,
and will forever be there to help you,
they will never leave you on your own.

A belief is instilled within you,
of this glorious God whose perfection cannot be touched,
whose grandiose grace cannot be reached,
and whose heart and love cannot be equaled.
You are taught that no matter what the problem,
no matter what the circumstance,
all you must do is simply close your eyes,
reach within yourself and hold your heart in your hands,
close them and begin to pray to him,
for he will always hear you,
and answer them in his own ways.
Yet you begin to grow up,
and you forget of that great gift of faith that you had,
you begin to doubt the knowledge of your parents,
and somehow and someway you change.
You learn your ability to hurt people,
you learn the ability to deceive people,
you learn how to lie and get away with it,
you learn how to bend the rules to your advantage.
You break that vow you made,
to never hurt anyone to make yourself feel better,
but holding the excuse that someone did it to you,
you go on and do it unto others.
You find yourself against the world,
and think the odds are in your favor.
Your mind overpowers your faith,
and instead of asking questions,
you begin to demand answers,
instead of praying to a God,
you begin to demand of him things,
you judge yourself as a good person,
and you judge others as the sin he put there to test you.
You demand your own peace,
you demand your own life back,
when in reality, it was you and only you that took it to begin with.

You thought yourself too good for the advice of others,
you saw yourself too good to allow help with your own problems,
you never admitted to yourself you were losing it,
you never admitted to yourself you missed your faith.
How could it be that I a man of intelligence would need such a simplistic thought?
Why can’t I live without the thought of a better being only to satisfy my own needs?
Why can’t I credit only me to the things I have accomplished?
Think, think, you are going deeper into that hole now,
you are blaming the person in the mirror,
and not admitting that both of you are the same.
You blame only when you can’t accept it,
you cry only when you know there is no other way,
you used your anger too many times before to get your way,
enough is enough already,
not even your own soul will let you strike down someone again.

You are broken inside now,
there are hardly pieces of you left,
yet somewhere in the ashes of your old self,
there lies the seed to a new beginning,
your job now is to care for it,
keep it and love it,
and with faith and hope,
return to the place you once called home,
where happiness existed,
and not just on a poem.

Prophet-
S. Ruben Tovar