unhappy, unimportant and unloved

Ive really been slacking on getting an entry written here. its not because of lack of somthing to say its just been a huge lack of interest and a lack of sleep. i have been kinda down lately. i am trying not too be but i am just moody and tired and cranky and unhappy. its not one particular thing but many little things. school is keeping me super busy. i had a quiz on wednesday and one on monday and this coming monday i have my first big exam on 4 chapters and i am so worried to fail. i need to ace it or well, at least get a b or so. p and i have been at eachothers throats lately. i feel so blah with him lately. i dont feel happy being with him right now and its not all his fault so i cant blame only him. we did have a decent weekend at teh fair last weekend but we fought over something. it was silly but hurtful. lately i cant help to feel unimportant. i understand the reason why he does this. he cant treat me special or even that good for that matter because if he does i will have reson to have feeling for him, so … maybe if he treats me like shit i will not care about him in “that” way. but as someone i thought he considered his best friend he should at least care about what i want or how i feel. he shouldnt ignore my thoughts, hang up on me when he doesnt want to hear it and basically say that my feelings on things ar emy problem. it shouldnt be that way. lately he makes me feel really bad abou tmyself. really really bad about myself. and i shouldnt feel this way. i should be happy but i am not. one good thing is i have lost 7 lbs. thats good i think, i mean yeah its nothing but i should feel good about this. i shouldnt have p telling me that i dont run. i have been eating better and jogging on the treadmill my mom bought a few times a week when time allows. p knows this and he says that he gets more excercise from tennis with dianne. sorry but i dont think so thats my opinion. dont put me down and make me feel like a daft cow because you have a stick up your ass buddy! its 7 pounds. yeah maybe he hasnt noticed but a few people have and that makes me feel good. so i feel like if he has not one good thing to say aobut me then he is better off keeping his mouth shut when i bring up the treadmill. how does he know how fast or slow or how long or short iam jogging? he wont go to the gym with me, he seems to only be capable of doing that with mary, ya know when she feels like seeing him. i bet he doesnt criticise her! But oh ….for a second ther ei forgot shes so perfect. can ya tell i am upset right now? i am at his place right now too. its 7 pm and he is asleep and i am on the computer, what fun huh? im sorry but sometimes i wonder why i torture myself. i am sitting here kinda on the verge of tears wanting to lay in bed next to him and curl up with him. but this other part of me is looking at him snore and hating him. looking at him and knowing he probably wishes someone else was here. (and here come those tears i was talking about) ugh i hate being emotional. im just not happy. i am in this crappy funk. the good thing is excercising has helped though. i have been doing a lot more running to take out my agressions. i finally feel like i am doing ot for me. i just wish he didnt make me feel so unimportant. i am important dammit and if he doesnt see it i will i repeat WILL find someone who feels that way. i wodner how long i get to stare at him snoring? or maybe if i am lucky i can go cook him dinner then watch him snore some more. what a night huh? i wanted to go see that movie forgotten but no of course not it doesnt interest him. i only go to every movie he wants to see but thats fine i gguess someone else will take me. i am tired of waiting for him. hey anyone wanna go to halloween haunt with me? i wanna go. ? ok thats it i need to go i cant take the sitting here anymore i am gonna go in the living room. bye bye