he sure is a good storyteller

ok as u say from my last entry i am not exactlythe happiest person right now. and yesterday knida made it worse. so i dont want to go into details about what i am so mad over. i cant because this isnt as private as i wish it was. i feel p lied to me and told me a story and basically broke any trust i had in him. and i am sure of this. i didnt snoop through his email secretly or go through his things like he think i did but i just know. besides who is in the wrong more? the person who lies to you or the person who finds out that you were lied to? he seems to try and turn it around on me which isnt fair. my computer broke so i am computerless till p fixes it. i brought it to his place last night and we hung out. i was mad. i wanted him to know and he instantly knew something was up. all i told him was that i had a lot onmy mind and it has to do withhim. i told him i dont think hes such an honest person. and i suggested that if he is close to someoen its not a good idea to lie to them and tell them half truths because u think it wont hurt them as much. i told him that it hurts more to be lied to. i thought he would figure it out but he didnt, which leads me to think there are numerous times he is ling to me and cant think of which one i could possibly be mad at. its a current lie. a lie thats in the process of happening. nothing old all new. its a lie about a person and thats pissing m eoff. im not as stupid as he thinks i am, if you give me a reason to doubt your story i will find out the truth one way or the other. and if it was the truth i would have enver doubted him again, but it wasnt the truth it was alie. and i have no faith in him. nd i donteven know what to do about it. i am stuck on this one. i mean a part of me wants to forget it and let him think he pulled one mver me but thats not fair to me. a part of me wants to tell him what i aliar he is and never see him again. now he is mad at me for accusing him of something and not telling him what it is. but i wanted him to figure it out. i want him to think about it. and maybe try to coorect it. maybe the next time the subject pertaining to the lie comes up he could try the honest approach. and whats stupid is its not a big deal. yeah i would kinda look at him as a loseer if i knew the truth but i would get over it. i would feel a little jealous and i would wonder what the reasons was for this but i would get over it. what i a, finding hard to get over is a blatent lie to my face. i mean its been nearly 5 years with him. weve been so close for five years and he still  has to lie? i thought we were past that, i thought we were better then that. i never lie to him, ever. he asks about chris i tell him, im not gonna lie to him. and for once this lie isnt even about mary. its about someoene and something else. and yeah maybe i should have never found out but i am glad i did and he cant be mad i did because if he gave me reasons to trust him i wouldnt doubt him. i mena how could i sit here and write aobut how much i care for this guy when he lies to me. it kinda breaks up my whole little world here. it makes me think i aint as iportant as i hoped i was. and i know why he lies. its so he doesnt hurt me or make me jealous or he doesnt want me to be angry. but look what it does. lies hurt more, lies stick in your mind a  lot longer thent he truth does and the lie is hard to forget. at this point all i want out of him is the truth. when the subject comes up again i want the real story. i dont even want to bringup that it was alie before. i will just listen and beleive it. but i want the truth. he knwos what its a bout. he knos its about a girl and about an age and how he knows her. its about a lie. plain and simple. it didnt take rocket science to figure out he was lying either. very simple. and i am glad i see him for what he really can be. kinda puts that L-word in a whole new light for me. i will continue to be just kinda cold till the trith is out i think. i dont think its fair to let him over this one. he wants a friend he can lie to whenever he wants then thats what he will get this cold distant fair weather friend, thats how makes me feel.