a refreshing change

i am at p’s. i dont have to work till 4 today!! YAY I LOVE HALF DAYS!!!! Decent night with p. we rent to dinner chinese food, and saw cold creek manor on dvd. i loved the movie thought it was really good. then we went to bed actually i went to bed. lol i fell asleep way before p dont even remember what time he went to bed. slept in today now i am just relaxing while p does his brakes in the garage. things are ok with me. dealing with grandparents about where i sleep isint good but i dont care i am an adult. i mean i will be 23 in about week for crying out loud!!!! P and i havent done anything physical in a while. at least amonth i think. i dont know if thats a good thing or a bad thing. but i am seriously wanting something physical whether it be with chris or p or someone new. i am tired of not feeling that physical connection with someone. this morning while lying here with p i dont even think i was in it. like whatever it wasnt love keeping me here just tiredness. i think as i grow up and learn more about myself i realize i do need a strong love in my life. i dont think i ever wanted to be a settler i just thought thats all i was worth. for the longest itme i fooled around with p because hey why do i desere anything better? but u know what i think i do deserve better then that. better then a heartless roll in the sack. and thats why i dont even think i looked at p like that this morning. thats a good thing right? dont get me wrong i still wanna jump his bones but i refrain myself because i just think about how it doesnt matter to him like it does to me.not saying it will NEVER happen but hey a lot less would be a start in the right direction right? Chris keeps asking if i wanna spend the night at his place but i am not in that place yet with him, not mentally at least. the attraction is there just not the heart yet. i cant do something without my heart in it so thats a no go for now. i am glad thoguh that he is sitll around and we hang out on occassion and its a nice change for me. i should go thoguh cuz p is just aobut done with the brakes so that sit for now. goodbye