depressing

OK i am officially depressed now!!! O just got an email from my old friend ryan and it was a link to a photo album of his wedding! Whats up i mean every one of my firends is getting married these days. seriously its depressing. i cant even find a good man to be my boyfriend, let alone one who i would want to marry. its not fair, ryans even younger then me too!!! They look happy thoguh. i dont know the girl but they look so cute together and i am ultimatly happy for him it just sucks to be single and loveless. i have two memories of ryan. one that i love is the night we spent in a hotel together in raliegh when our flights home were delayed. we both are from ca. me from southern him from northern.  and we were flying home together for a break. anywho…. he checked us in and they only gave us one king size bed. so anyways whatever we slept in the same bed. the next mornign he woke me up beause he was too close. he was totally starting to spoon me in his sleep (at least i think he was asleep)  and i moved away but the sleeping boy was persistent for a bt. anyways i turn around and hes wearing just boxers and no shirt, i myself slept i shhorts and a tshirt. and though that little peep hole on hte boxers something was peeking out at me. i started cracking up silently while he slept there i never told him about this cuz i didnt wanna embarass him but that was hilarious. nothing happened with us though. my other memory was when we drank together. we were both bored and alone and it was like 11pm on a friday night. he called and told me give him ten minutes and he would be over to bring some fun. so i agreed, ryan was always entertaining to me. he brought ove ra bottle of vodka and we drank way toooooo much together. we laid down and started getting close in our drunkenness. i think we were sorta spooing and laughing so freakin loud and singing and just crazy times caused by alcohol. then all of a sudden he put his hand on my butt and moved in for a kiss and i just laughed so hard and got up for another drink. nothing happened. we darank more passed out on my bed and both woke up with massive hangovers the next morning. fun times though. hes an awesome guy i wish we were able to keep in touch better though. he went to the roseparade with me a few years ago and took me and a friend Ash up to san fran and gave us his royal tour. 🙂 I miss those times. i am happy for him just depressed with my current situation. i think i will send them a gift. i wonder what to get two young people jsut starting out. that would mail good. any ideas?

  have i ever mentioned i love st patricks day? i dunno why i just do though. i bought p something. nothing big but i just do that for friends, have been doing so since highschool. sean my ex loved st pattys day too, my best st pattys day was when he brought me green carnations one day. awww i miss that. anywho thats it goodbye.