Unholy Confessions

This actually will be a confession of a sort.  I did something yesterday that I feel halfway bad about, and I feel like I should get it out.  But on the other hand, it was sort of awesome too, so I’m also bragging a little bit.  The half that I feel bad is just because I could have gotten in some trouble had I been caught.

Anyway, I was hanging out in the mall with the ol’ Pumpkin King.  We were standing outside Spencer Gifts waiting for our buddy Tanner to hurry the fuck up and come out, minding our own business, when these two little emo looking pussies walked by.  Just as they got out of view one of them said, loudly enough to be audible, "White Zombie is so yesterday!" in reference to Matt’s shirt.  For some reason he didn’t actually hear it, claimed later he was "zoned out," but oh, I heard it, and for reasons I can’t figure out, it really pissed me off.  I’m 26 goddamn years old, I don’t need teenage emo mallrats disrespecting my friends (and by extension, me) like we’re on their level.  So I looked at Matt, thought I saw a similar reaction when he looked at me, and turned on my heel and stalked after these kids, rage causing my heart to beat like a bass drum.  I followed them pretty far before I decided the weren’t going to turn around or notice me as quickly as I wanted to, and to be honest I didn’t have anything to say anyway.  I was just hoping they’d see me and freak so I wouldn’t have to come up with anything.  But since they didn’t see me I just flipped off their retreating forms and went back.  Matt met me about halfway and said he didn’t even know I had walked off, said he had been zoned out for a few seconds.  He got a little hot when I told him what happened.  Just as Tanner got out of the store, I was sitting on the bench outside, staring back the way I came (and they way those fucks would have to come if they came back).  Tanner saw me and said, "He looks really pissed, what happened?"  Well just then those guys walked back by, and Matt said, much louder than necessary to just tell Tanner about it, "I don’t know man, couple of little faggot kids talking shit on us."  Couldn’t help but notice that they didn’t even look our way that time. 

I really don’t know what I would have said if they had turned and seen me following them.  I’m not very quick-witted when it comes to things like that.  My instinct is "ATTACK!", but I quoshed that because I don’t need assault on my hands– I’m not stupid.  I thought of a few things later, but by then there’s no way it would have made a damn.  So I said, "Guys, let’s get the fuck out of here."  Minnie was still in the store we actually entered through looking at stuff, so I found her and told her that we were about to leave as soon as I used the restroom.  By coincidence, the guys had to go too.  I tried to wash my hands first, and, with water dripping on the floor, found that the paper towel dispenser wasn’t working.  I don’t know if it was just out of paper or maybe just malfunctioning, but for whatever reason, that was the last straw.  All that anger I was so unreasonably harboring against those kids came out in an instant, in the form of my fist smashing into that uncooperative piece of public restroom equipment.  I hit it twice before I came to my senses, the second one, much harder than the first, caving in the aluminum shell of the thing.  I didn’t realize it would be so delicate– or else my punches were much harder than I realize. I heard Matt say, "Bad idea!"  At the sight of my sudden vandalism, all the rage drained away and left me standing there for a split second before my "Fight or Flight" response kicked in, with the needle pointed hard at the latter.  I told Matt I was leaving, didn’t even try to find Minnie since that would have left me in the store too long, and I went and got in the damn car.  Matt and Tanner followed soon after, and Tanner, who had been in the bathroom several extra seconds, told me that nobody had come in before he left, which was a relief.  I had to call Minnie to tell her to come on out… for some reason I couldn’t tell her what happend.  She may read this and find out, or I may relent and tell her myself now that it’s far enough agone that she might just laugh instead of admonish me. 

So like I said, I feel really bad about it in that, "Holy shit I could get in trouble," kind of way, but I also think that it was totally awesome how I owned that inanimate object that didn’t deserve it.