War Pigs

I want to focus on my art.  All I wanted to do when I was in high school was make a living off of it– and I know I’ve talked about this before– but college art classes squashed my desire.  Instead of helping me grow as an artist, they tried to reteach me their way.  That’s not the way to do it.  What if all art was the same?  What if Van Gogh and Da Vinci and Michaelangelo all used exactly the same techniques and style?  Would they be as great?  …Not that I’m big fans of any of them.  I’m in awe of their abilities, especially Da Vinci and Michaelangelo, but not necessarily big fans of their work.  But I’m getting away from my point.

My recent experience with the design of my friend A-train’s tattoo made me wonder– Would it be possible to make some sort of living, or at least a decent amount of money on the side, simply designing tattoos for professional tattooists?  Is there a market for that?  I’ve been told that tattoo parlors have on hand books of generic designs for people who want a tattoo, but haven’t got anything specific in mind.  Could I just sell a collection of those, or perhaps allow them to be used for commission each time somebody uses one of the designs?  I have no idea, but I’d like to try.  Problem is I’m way to likely to just let status quo be status quo, and just keep to myself.  I’m not what you would call shy; I can and will talk to anybody about anything.  But when it comes to things like that, I just can’t do it.  I can get out of my car and ask a total stranger for directions, even do so in a way that I hope makes me come off as friendly and likable instead of standoffish and clueless or rude.  But when it comes to approaching something like, I dunno, making a doctor appointment, or haggling at a yard sale, or walking into a damn tattoo parlor to say, "Guess what buddy, I’ve got something you should pay me for instead of the other way around,"  I’d rather just let somebody else do it.  Or in some situations, I like to know exactly how to go about everything beforehand, so I don’t come off sounding like a doof.  Maybe none of this makes sense, I dunno. 

I bought a new sketchbook, spiral bound so it can lay flat to show off any given thing in it.  I thought that might be a better alternative than having to remove them.  I don’t know why.  I don’t even know why I bothered, same reason as I don’t know why I’m talking about it, because it’s not as though it will go anywhere.  I just don’t have the drive or the confidence.  I suppose I never really have.  In a perfect world, or at least under the best possible circumstances, I can work up a decent "portfolio" and then one of my buddies who already has some sort of acquaintence or familiarity with a tattooist can go there and maybe mention in an offhanded sort of way that they know a guy who’s interested in doing some design work for them.  I don’t know.  Now that I’ve written it out, the more I try to make it seem like a good idea, the more it just sounds stupid.  What the fuck is wrong with me?  It’s not the current work situation– I’ve never had any goddamn confidence.  I remember back at Anime Weekend Atlanta in 2005, we were supposed to get free shirts for ordering our three-day passes online.  They didn’t come in the mail like we expected, and it turned out we were supposed to go ask for them at a particular booth in the dealer’s room.  I couldn’t even do that!  It’s like I was afraid if I walked up there and said, "Is this where I get my free shirt?" that the guy would go, "What?  No!" or something like that.  I had to get Justin to do it while I stood there behind him like a little boy hiding behind his daddy’s leg.  I don’t know why… I wasn’t always like this.  But these days, you get me out of my element, out of my comfort zone, and I can’t function. 

Wow, I didn’t intend for this entry to be some sort of confessional.  Oh well, I don’t normally take back what I say, so I’m leaving it.  Sometimes I’m like two people– one who says and does things, (or, in this case, doesn’t say or do something) and another who stands back and wonders why.  Those two guys can’t seem to collaborate.