Coffin Fodder

Well, something happened today.  Sow came to my store and pointed out lots and lots of things that need to be done to be up to standard with all the new bull created by upper management.  I’d like to point out right  now that I hate when things get invented simply for their own sake.  Like, "here’s a new rule, because."  "Why?"  "Just because.  I decided we needed this new rule.  Oh, and it goes into effect immediately, so step it up or else, because we’re shifting all focus onto this new rule (or in this case, set of standards) because."  "Just because?" "You got it."

Anyway, she was asking all these questions– "Why isn’t this done?"  "Didn’t know about it."  "What’s the deal with this?"  "Um, that’s on the back burner right now while I decide how to handle it."  "What have you started over here and why isn’t it done?" "Well, that’s a work in progress…"  Then finally she asked where something was, this thing I have to fill out every week, like a work list kind of thing, and I said, "I just haven’t done it."  She asked why, and I said, "I dunno, call it laziness, whatever."  She stopped whatever she was doing and said with what I interpereted as mild (but totally fake because she’s still two-faced) concern, "What’s going on with you?"  That was all it took.  I laid my feelings on the table.  Not all of them, mind, because if I’d told her how I feel about her things would have gone much worse.  But I told her how overwhelmed I’ve been since the new programs rolled out, how I’m taking my stress home, how I’m so stressed I’ve been having nightmares about work.  After about fifteen minutes of discussion, we agreed that maybe the position is a little too much for me.  It doesn’t hurt me to admit that.  If it wasn’t too much for me, I wouldn’t be struggling.  So basically I have two weeks to try my best to get everything in shape, then she’ll come back and assess what I’ve done, and we’ll discuss it all again and decide whether I’ll be keeping my position.  After all my talk about how I’d do anything to reduce my stress level, this sounds like the perfect way out.  I don’t necessarily have to lose my job (although that is sitll a possibility if I don’t step it up for the next two weeks), but I can still stop having to deal with all the BS.  I’ll be a regular Senior Customer Service Associate again, with somebody above me giving me tasks that I can accomplish and say, "Okay, what’s next boss?"  And I think I’ll be even better at that job now, with all the stuff I learned in my short time as manager.  I think I’ll be much happier that way.  I’ll try to keep everybody posted on all of this. 

Oh, and seriously, if I actually do lose my job, fuck it.  I’ll enjoy the R&R for a while.  Well… maybe not.  I’m planning to do the intelligent thing and start putting in apps here and there while I’m still employed so maybe I’ll have a smooth transition.  But one thing I can promise is that when I walk out that door for the last time, I’m taking every single one of these accursed red polo shirts, piling them up outside, and burning them to nothing.  Then I’ll piss on the ashes, scoop them up with in a couple of mason jars, and mail one to Sow and one to corporate HQ in Alabama. 

Okay, maybe not that last part.  But I’m totally gonna burn the fuckers.  Red is not my color, and polo is not my style.