here I go again (on my own).

I thought I had left all this behind me, but I guess NERC (no one ever really changes) that much. At least not me. Here I am where I want to be, and can do nothing short of squander it. Great. Way to go me. I just want to go home, perhaps so I can be a baby for a little while longer. I don’t really care. In fact I don’t know what I feel passionate about anymore. Writing, music and the pursuit of heaven are the only things I know for sure. All this started from bad luck and then it all snowballed. Look at me now. It’s almost pathetic really. I’m sure in some dark corners there are people who stand back and laugh at me. Some don’t even hide anymore. I swear the other day in a store, a man pointed me out to his wife and kid and they all chuckled in my direction. Hardy fucking har! I don’t know what he saw to laugh at, unless he could look into my mind, or worse yet my soul. I turned away uncaring. I told myself then that I would be alright in the end, but here’s the end and I’ll leave you to decipher the rest (let me give you a hint: would I be talking like this if it did in fact turn out alright?). If I come back here next year the writing will be on the wall for everybody to read. Bright red letters with convenient arrows pointing in my direction. Let’s just go back to square one and see how much worse I can do.