by the numbers

1. Without fail, three times now, I will look at the bottle of prescription meds for migraines that sits on my nightstand and every so often, I’ll think to myself, “Wow. I haven’t had a headache in a while,” and then: boom. Within the next 48 hrs I’ll wake up at some ungodly hour with my head utterly pounding. I’ll reach for the meds, the water and then lay as still as possible, desperately hoping for it to subside enough so I can fall back asleep.

2. The headaches last all day, that’s almost a guarantee. And the Fioricet alleviates them but doesn’t eliminate them. Still, I’ll take it. For several months, I’d get these excruciating headaches and no matter how much Tylenol, Advil, anything I downed, nothing helped even a little. It was misery. Because with two little kids, you don’t get to lay down in a darkened room, trying to be still, which is the only thing that slightly worked. It finally dawned on me that these headaches might be migraines. I don’t know why I didn’t think they were prior. I just assumed migraines were something worse and something that other people got and something accompanied by ‘auras’ which I didn’t have. Turns out there’s more than one kind of migraine and thankfully I finally went to the doctor where I found this out.

3. The older you get, the more you appreciate your health. On the days I had migraines prior to the meds being prescribed, it was so, so hard to function and do everything that needs to happen in a day. For me, there is no calling in sick. There’s no staying in bed recuperating while the world goes on around me. Well, unless it’s really bad. Then I’m sure the husband would call out and step in. But it’s never been that bad so far. Thank goodness. No crazy flu or broken bones. But, yeah. Feeling good and having a functioning body is so fucking imperative and I take it for granted far too often and these little reminders that it won’t always be like that are like pesky little knocks on The Door Of Being Very Old.

4. Saw A Quiet Place on Friday and holy crap was it fucking good. I’ve never been that tense, that fearful for that consistently long in a movie. And though it’s probably not a smart thing to say aloud, if you’re a parent, you’re going to be so much more scared and invested than you would be if you’re childless watching the film. There’s just this deep, instinctive NEED to keep your children safe and okay and thriving that is such an important part of who you are as a person, so intrinsically embedded into what makes you you now, that people without children just don’t feel. And of course, I have to say that it’s totally fine to be childless. Parents are not better or superior to childless adults, they are just different in certain ways. Anyway, the movie is highly, highly enjoyable, regardless of your offspring status, but should you have children, expect to be way more indescribably tense.

5. I need a good show to binge. I just finished Collateral, a British crime drama on Netflix (very good!), and need another. When I’m at the gym, I’ve been doing the elliptical lately instead of the bikes and that makes it impossible to play on your phone to pass the time, so something good to watch is imperative. Feel like I’ve seen every good thing out there. Eric mentioned an Israeli 24-type show, so I have to try that one. What I wouldn’t give for some brand new Black Mirror eps. Or like, several seasons of some awesomely trashy Housewives of Wherever show that I haven’t seen. Problem is I’ve tried them all. Some I adore, some that bore me. Thank god RH of NY is back. I think that’s my favorite.

6. Things on the home front continue to be really, really good. Of course, the kids are exhausting and can be assholes at times, but on the whole, they’ve been pretty great behavior-wise. We haven’t had any major meltdowns or other autistic difficulties with Max and that makes all the difference. Eric and I haven’t had a fight in 15 months, and he goes out of his way to give me breaks, jump in on housework wherever he can, and just generally be a super pleasant and fun person to be around. Not to mention, he’s a wonderful dad. It’s just who he is. So I haven’t got anything really to complain about. Life is busy and monotonous and hard and stressful in the way it is for most everyone, but the dynamics particular to my household are pretty good, so I haven’t got much to complain about.

7. Our new house is so fucking pretty in the spring. Gorgeous yellow flowers on the tree out front. All the bushes filling back in after the winds last fall. Delicate white blooms on the second biggest tree in back. We have this front porch area that’s sort of cordoned off from the rest of the front yard and I love having coffee out there or inside the dining room which looks out over it. We continually fill the bird feeder that hangs there and we have like, every bird imaginable visiting and several squirrels. I love watching our little homemade zoo. Especially when our four cats come around and try to eat them. They aren’t able to catch them and it’s super fun to watch the squirrel square off against one of the kittens, both stubborn and refusing to back down but with enough fear to keep them each safe. And the backyard is this big beautiful enclosed green space where you feel like you’re at a mini arboretum. I just, I love this house so, so much.

8. I drink coffee now. It doesn’t make me feel like I’ve done a line of meth anymore! It’s all down to those Peet’s Coffee little drinks that come in Dark Chocolote and Cafe Au Lait. They tasted so good when I tried a sip after buying them for Eric. So I just said eff it and drank one. All it did was make me more talkative and give me a bit of lightness. Now I start the day off with one of those or the triple lattes from Trader Joe’s. And maybe another before picking up the little ones and heading off to the never ending play dates. I heart coffee now.

9. This Thursday my three other mom friends and I are going out for drinks. I got SO lucky and found three of the coolest, nicest friends who have children that play with my children. They make life infinitely more enjoyable and I love them and I love the town we live in and it’s little tight knit community and the kids’ school and being involved with it and all this stuff. I didn’t know I’d like it like this and I didn’t know it would make me feel as fulfilled as I do. I truly wouldn’t give up this town for anywhere else in the world.