I’ve got to leave something to the experts

I had a follow up appointment with Dr. Gluck’s office yesterday in order to find out the results of my blood work.  Yesterday was 9 days after my first treatment where typically, between days 7 and 10 days after chemo, your blood reaches the nadir stage.  That’s where your blood counts hit the bottom.  And sure enough, the numbers were L-o-w!!!  The nurse called out the numbers, one level that is normally at 3600 was at 100.  Another level was even more drastically different.  I was also anemic.   I was stunned as I searched her eyes during her very matter-of-fact delivery of the numbers.  I was studying her eyes to determine if there was something in this news that should alarm me…..and it certainly did alarm me…….more than it did the nurse anyway.

I pulled out my pen.  I wrote levels.  Normal levels. Low levels. Expectations. Technical terms. answers to my many questions.  Could nutritional support help with the anemia?  What could I do?  I asked for a print out of my labs; thinking that I would chart where my blood levels went after each treatment but then got the numbers home, started studying and decided to leave this one to the experts.
 
During nadir, I am susceptible to everything so I need to stay away from buffets, sick people and large crowds. and basically, the only thing I can do is wait.  When I was running I became anemic and steak helped.  But not this time…as the nurse put it, you could sow the seeds but without the dirt, you are not going to grow anything.  I can’t stand metaphors like that.  So i asked further.  Because the issue that is causing the levels is within the bone marrow and it wont improve until the levels improve.
 
I get it. Basically, chemo kills the good cells as well as the bad cells and levels have to return to normal before the next round in order to not kill me. The nurse didn’t like the way I stated that but then agreed that certainly is one way to look at it. They watch me to determine if my nadir levels come back to normal without any infections, fevers, deep side effects etc before they determine whether they need to intervene.   (With an injection that I give myself at home just after each treatment.) Not really interested in that!
 
So what am I feeling? The nurse was surprised that I have done so well given my numbers. Maybe I didn’t complain in strong enough terms that I haven’t had an appetite in 9 days. That I have been doing nothing more than nausea control. That the inside of my mouth is raw and bumpy and full of mucus. (sorry) That my throat is sore,  That food tastes like an iron bottle top. That i had a hot flash that stopped me for 15 minutes. That I’m breaking out like a teenage boy…on my face, in my scalp,  on my back and arms, That the only relief I get is after an upset stomach….(sorry) , That I fell asleep during family movie night at 7:30..two nights in a row. That Saturday after chemo, I was a slug and didn’t do anything.
 
But apparently; that’s pretty mild. And honestly, if this is the worst of it….Yes Lord!! I really don’t want to complain because I know so many stories that are much more severe.  I have worked each day. In fact on Thursday evening, (during nadir) I worked from 8 – 5.  And because I knew that I needed to stay away from crowds, I helped set up for two events instead of attending the two events.  I did stay at the center for a painting class from 7 until 10 at night and then went home to bed. I probably should have been too tired for all that.
 
The nurse told me that they don’t want me to have to live in a box, but to be very careful of my surroundings and to practice good handwashing techniques.  After my appointments on Friday, I bought lunch at at Moes and ate it in the car to stay away from germs.  And I avoided the open salsa bar.  I went to Mast General Store to stock up on the ginger candy that suppresses my nausea. I visited Trader Joes and Costco and washed my hands in antibacterial at lease 20 times,  Then I visited The Blood Connection to view an art exhibit, visited a friend who prepared dinner for us, and waited in the car line at the pharmacy for 30 minutes for meds.  A day that lasted from 8 – 6.  And all by myself.  I probably should have been too tired for all that. And I think I convinced myself, after I got home and re-studied my blood levels, that I should stop, drop and roll, under the covers for a long night’s rest.   Only to find that I couldn’t sleep due to the most intense heartburn I have ever experienced. I was a hero for my boys based on the strength longevity of my burps. 
 
Ok, maybe that is too much information!!!