Pooopity Doooopity

My house is clean. 

I mean really clean.

Well, I don’t mean rub-the-white-glove-over-the-hanging-artwork clean.

And I don’t mean lick-the-floor-around-the-toilet clean.   Eeeewwwwwww.  Not that I would E-V-E-R invite you to do so.   And shudder shudder shudder wipe that thought out of your head, I should have said refrigerator.

Now THAT you could probably do right now.   But speaking of toilets I think I should revisit my campaign to have EVERY man on the face of the earth to sit to piss.  And yes, I know I have complained about the aim in this household but COME ON kids couldn’t you just hit the water.   It is getting so bad that I have container of Clorox wipes in the bottom left hand drawer for a wipe down every day.  I mean I’m a bit neurotic when the kids go that now I watch and coach. "Just let it hang naturally", "Yikes, DONT point up", "Oh untuck it and aim"  I sound like a bathroom drill sergeant.   And really how bad is it?…..well…..   I actually watched Tom this morning just to make sure I was barking up the right stream.   And.he.noticed.    I even told him what I was doing.    But  I think what is happening is sibling rivalry.  YES even in the toilet.  Let’s say that AJ has to go pee and in the event that he announces it to the family ……………..ZOOM……………..CC races to beat him to the punch.  And should they both get there at the same time then they have a race…….(1) to see who can get  the stream of  pee to hit the water first……(2) to see who can stream the longest  and (3)  to see who can  finish first.   So obviously they can’t concentrate on hitting the target with everything else on their minds.   Don’t even get me started on the poop.  Well……………NOW……………..I’m started……………   Yesterday AJ announced that he had to poop, it was like an alter call for a backslidden sinner in a Southern Baptist church , when CC stopped what he was doing and actually had his pants down and was on the toilet before AJ even could get to the door. (NOT that a backslidden sinner actually drops his pants on the way to the alter,,,,,,in my church history at least…….but that would have made things more interesting)   AJ cried out to me, "Mom, I had to poop first"  And although we do have two bathrooms in this house one is shut down with a flea ridden quarantined cat at the moment.  So I was left with nothing to say but, "Honey, you know your brother poops really fast and he will be calling out for his bottom to be wiped any minute now."  And all AJ could say was, "But mom, I’m going to poop on the floor if he doesn’t get out soon."    So now what was I left to do?  Why you can see the picture right……AJ and I went in to the bathroom and cheered CC on to F-I-N-I-S-H. 

Me:  Come on CC are you done?
CC:  With an I’m-in-control-of-the-poop-seat smile on his face, "NoooooooooooooOOOOooooo"
AJ:    Come on, I’ve gotta go.
Me;   Ok, then Puuuuuuusssssssshhhhhhhhhh!!!!   And be done so your brother can go.
AJ:   Mom,  he’s Not finishing
Me:  CC again, puuuuuuuuuuusssssssshhhhhhhh!
CC:  Still with that  smile on the face, and a final bounce up and down and up and down to completion he said, "Done"
AJ:    (Peeking under to make sure he was done), AJ said, "My turn"

And I’m sure you needed to know all that.

So where was I anyway?          Ahhhh yes,  A clean house.

I once had a friend tell me that if I was ever depressed to just go clean my house and the world would seem brighter.  She was a lesbian.  That has nothing to do with the story at all, or being depressed or having a clean house.  I think that I am just in the mood to chat rather than to tell you Why I have a clean house.  And how much trouble it was to get it to that state. 

She had a life partner who was artificially inseminated and then they broke up………………………  Still not my story………………….

And she was a recording artist.  Who had an incredible voice.  Once I even wrote a song for Tom and had her record it for him.  I still love to listen to her music.  It makes me homesick for San Francisco and the art center.  But man am I off the point.   Way off.  Not to mention that I am typing in incomplete thoughts and broken sentences that has to make for tough reading.

So I think I’m done.  Tonight I leave you with San Francisco song writing ladies (whom I love) and poop rivalry.  What shall tomorrow hold?