boy rant #1

Men.

I really don’t know what to say about men – i flounder between believing there is the perfect man out there for me, my soulmate, and thinking that even if that was true, the likelihood that i’d find him in the world is slim and i can easily find a man in my city if i wasn’t so damn picky. But really, why shouldn’t I be picky? I mean I shouldn’t have to settle for a man just because I’ve had some bad luck in the past. I’m not desperate, it’s just been a while since I’ve had a man companion to lean on. So here’s what’s been going on in my life man-wise. Before Christmas there was JD. The problem with him is that he doesn’t have his shit together, and although he acknowledges that, he doesn’t try very hard to change his situation. Left uni after one year, no job, no apartment in this city even! Things definitely weren’t looking good for him. I think i briefly wrote about how our “relationship” came to an end when he left me standing out in the rain bc he feel asleep when he was supposed to meet me to hang out. Anywho, i use the term relationship lightly because i was very resistant to label us as a couple considering how inattentive he was. A few days after i “broke up” with him he moved an hour away in with his parents! So i didn’t hear from him for a few months but i had no idea where he was and frankly i didn’t really care. Flash forward to a couple weeks ago – i get a text from his friend asking permission to give my number to JD. Fine, no problem. He texts me and asks to meet… and i said yes. To be honest, i was pretty wary but since it was so out of the blue, i was a little bit worried that he wanted to see me in person to tell me he had an STD and that i should get tested. Wake-up call for me. But anyways, we met in the mall and talked for about an hour about what had been going on in our lives over the past few months. It turns out that he moved back home because he ran out of money and didn’t really know what he was doing with his life. He claims he wrote me an e-mail explaining everything and even had his mom spellcheck it because i always gave him hell for his horrible spelling and grammar. But i never got an e-mail so….. anyways, we hung out a few times at larry’s bc even though he had a new apt, he couldn’t move in until may 1st as it was a summer sublet. I’m quite glad we no longer have to hang out there because things became intense one night when larry started hitting on me and just wouldn’t stop. Thinking JD was asleep, he told me how we could sleep together and JD would never find out, i wasn’t in a relationship with JD so it wasn’t like i was cheating etc etc etc. We kissed. I’m ashamed to say it… and was even more ashamed to find that JD had been awake the whole time and had heard everything, but was upset and awkward and didn’t say anything. I confessed a few days later and apologized and he told me that he heard everything and was pissed and hurt and didn’t want to say anything because we weren’t in a relationship and therefore i could do whatever i wanted. It was just an uncomfortable situation all around, and i know it was a shitty thing that i did, but in my defence: i was drinking (never a good excuse, I know), larry kissed me! And although i did kiss back, afterwards i didn’t initiate anything else and turned down all of his advances. And by advances, i mean him attempting to seduce me by literally lifting me up and carrying me to his bedroom. Jesus. So yah, JD comes and goes, and i don’t really know what to make of him. If he grew up a bit and got his act together, then i’d consider becoming a couple, as he is so intent to do! But he’s the same old boy, not calling or contacting me for a few days and then he’ll reappear. I’m not that kind of girl and i openly admit it – if you want to be my boyfriend you better call/e-mail or text me at least once a day. I’m not asking for constant check-ins or anything like that, just touching base if we can’t see each other that often (which i know would be the case since i work so much). mehhhh