ohhh my love…..

so once again it’s a saturday night and i am sitting at home, not entirely alone bc i’m with josh, but not out. i took the bus home from work somewhat late tonight and saw all of the youngens downtown… i felt kind of jealous. going out just seems like a lot of work these days plus it takes money… and friends haha. i don’t have much of either of those things. jd is away this weekend for a visit to his hometown/wrestling tournament. i actually miss him! i’m excited for him to get back on monday…. i really hope that he texts me when he gets back and not late at night. i made it really clear to him last week that i was interested in a relationship and not a fuck-buddy sort of thing. i was upset with him last week but i held it in all week until i got really frustrated with him. he doesn’t call, text or come to me…. i’m always moving my life and schedule around him. i hope he catches on and realizes finally that he’s not gonna get many more chances with me. if things don’t improve next week i’m gonna put my foot down and break up with him. sounds harsh but i know what i want.. and although i feel a definite attraction, if the emotional side of it isn’t there for him, i can’t go on. i’ve def. noticed a trend with my writing lately, and that is that it’s unorganized and crappy bc i sit on the couch in front of the tv, with josh gabbing in the background. next time i write i’m gonna do it in silence in my room.

peace