The C Word.

Yesterday I starting writing an entry on my trip to Pennsylvania, lost the drive to do so, and saved it as a draft.

Today, I had all the intention in the world to write, but everything has changed… Now, it doesn’t seem so important to write about seeing Johnny. Yes, the trip was wonderful. Yes, I had a great time. Yes, we had lots of love and kisses… But now it doesn’t even matter.

Why? Well, not because things with Johnny have changed. They haven’t at all, I’m still sad that I’m away from him and he’s still the absolute love of my life…

Today, I found out that my aunt has cancer. She’s the type of person that makes everyone smile and laugh, she’s a genuine person through and through… She doesn’t deserve this.

Honestly, there has been one person after another in my family who has had cancer. Basically, I hate life right now. I’m angry, bitter, upset, depressed… I’m just a mess. Why does the worst things happen to the best people?

I have hope, I really do, because I really can’t watch another family member deteriorate and waste away while fighting for their life. There’s no greater frustration than watching someone go through so much pain, and there isn’t a single thing you can do.

I have hope for her life….

Still, this world angers me….

I spent a good time, today, driving around on back roads speeding and driving carelessly. I guess I really am numb.

By the way, if any of you have me added on facebook, please do not mention this on there. Most of my family doesn’t know yet, besides, it’s not really my news to spread around anyway. Thanks.