Nostalgia.

When I find myself thinking about Christmas, I always find myself reminiscing of all the wonderful memories I have as I kid. Christmas was always a magical, warm, happy time of year. Every year I would try to get my parents to allow me to sleep on the couch so I could catch a glimpse of Santa putting the Christmas presents under the tree. I always wanted to meet him, and even if it was only for just a second, get a chance to talk with him. Santa was just so magical, mysterious, and intriguing to me.

I always woke up extremely early on Christmas morning to see the gifts under the tree. It was mostly the way it looked, the lights brightening up the dark living room on a cold, wintery December morning; the fact that a magical fat man dressed in a velvety red suit traveled across the entire world in one single night added to it all. Really, it wasn’t about the amount of gifts I received, it was the excitement, mystery, and happiness that got to me. I don’t remember many of the gifts that I had gotten for Christmas, and the ones that I do remember aren’t because they were extravagant or because it was "exactly what I wanted." Those memories stick in my head because of the memories I made and the happiness I shared with my parents.

Actually, as I kid I would get extremely upset if I would find that all the presents under the tree were only from Santa and none from my parents. Again, it wasn’t the amount of gifts, it was the fact that Santa was the only one who thought of me, and my parents didn’t. I thought they didn’t love me because they didn’t put a single thing under the tree for me, not even a card!

Now, Christmas isn’t much of anything for me. I’m happy to spend time with my family, because that’s what the season is all about. However, there’s really no joy in it for me anymore. Sure, I have cousins and a niece to give gifts to (this year is a little spread this due to lack of funds), but I don’t get to see their faces on Christmas morning… That joy and excitement is gone from my Christmas mornings, and I think that’s why I have such a hard time with the season.
I honestly can’t wait until I have children so I can share Christmas mornings with them, and start up many holiday traditions. <3

Anyway, it’s after 11pm and I have to get up in just a few hours.
I have to be to work by 5:45am, even though it was supposed to be my day off.
Oh well, extra hours means more money for things I need.

Have a good night everyone!