Things.

Fairly soon after that last entry I wrote, we went and saw the only doctor on this side of ID who prescribes Suboxone, which is – LITERALLY – a miracle drug for people addicted to opiates/opioids.

B’s been on it for about a week and a half now and it seems to be working.

So with that one thing going semi-right, of course things fall apart financially.  Today we got served with a notice of Health & Welfare’s "intent to suspend lisence" or whatever, which I had sort of been expecting because although B has a job it is in concrete and snow removal, neither of which have been in demand recently.  He called them and we found out that his former employer had not been sending the money he was "deducting" from B’s pay every month like he claimed he’d been doing.  We elected to have it automatically deducted from B’s pay because it’s just so much easier that way – one less thing for me to think/stress about, on top of everything else I am thinking/stressing about.  Anyway, this former employer claimed he was making the deductions every month – which he was – and paying it to the child support office.

They told B today when he talked to them that one month, the payment would arrive, and then nothing for a few months.  This leads us to believe that his former boss pocketed much of what he was supposed to be paying to B’s child support.  Of course, since B rarely got a paystub (I think he got one twice in the almost year he worked for this man) we have no way of substantiating that claim, or even a hope of proving it to be true.  We did at least get a W-2 in the mail today – a real one.  Thank goodness for that.  I was planning on having to pester the crap out of that man to get one.

Just…sigh.  I cut last night, because I couldn’t take pressure anymore.  I hadn’t cut for at least 2 months prior to yesterday, but sometimes the tension reaches a point that I feel like literally NOTHING else will relieve it.  Logically I know that isn’t true but if there’s one thing I’ve learned when it comes to emotions is there can be a big gap between what you know is true and what you feel is true.  And yes, as I was making that first cut, I felt the tension dissolve.  That’s not to say it cured me of my low – I know cutting doesn’t do that, and it’s as much a temporary fix as any other addiction is.

But it helped.

For a while.