Battered.

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I’m facing some really hard decisions right now.

I still love my husband, but it’s different.  It’s changed.  I feel like I don’t really know who he is, because of all the deception in spite of the repeated promises to stop.  I’m surprised at how bitter I’ve become – and how quickly.  It scares me, too.

I’m looking into getting a legal separation.  I tell myself it’s so that I don’t have to be responsible for the ghastly amount of debt that’s in his name…and then a small part of me whispers that it’s also so that I can file for divorce easier down the road.  He’ll only feel abandoned a little bit at a time, as opposed to all at once.  Is that merciful or cruel?

I feel selfish, considering these things.  I feel like I’m betraying him because I’ve already promised him I’d see this through…and now I don’t know if I have the strength or the desire.

I don’t know what to do.