Yom Kippur…

The day of atonement…what does it mean to me as opposed to other people in different situations? Well, for one…it’s a pain in the ass…it’s finding excusues not to have to go to shul(synagogue) to daven(pray) so that I don’t have to stand there pretending I care…it’s being very thirsty and slightly hungry for no goddamn reason…it’s my watching everyone daven with such intensity, with tears rolling down their cheeks, their eyes closed in concentration and fervent hoping for a better year and wishing it could touch me…it doesn’t…it can’t…there’s not enough logic in it…but it would make my life so much easier if it could…too bad I was never one for making things easy…

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September 27, 2004

aha. depends on where you are at the moment/stage/phase i guess. it varies for me too. it’s not always so easy. it’s also work to get yourself to that point. they say the thing is to play along like it matters until it does. that’s what they say, anyway. love abby/

September 27, 2004

rryn. phases can last years. i think life is made up of phases. love abby/

September 27, 2004

You are at least looking forward to Sukkot though, right? =P It was a bitch getting Yom Kippur off from work. They settled for just assigning me an evening shift that day, after the sun went down. I hate my boss.

September 29, 2004

I guess the Christian holiday of Ash Wednesday is kind of like that, and I feel sort of the same way about it. I went last year (mostly for appearances) but I didn’t really feel to strongly about it. And then later that night my apartment burned down. I couldn’t decide if that was a message that I should stop faking it — or that I shouldn’t bother anymore …

September 30, 2004

I didn’t go to shul or fast. My family didn’t like it but they have more or less given up on me in that regard so they didn’t bug me too much. On another issue…do you know of any websites where I can buy Israeli movies on DVD? Any suggestions would be funky! I hope that everything is happy and smiley, Joel