Calm, cool and collected…
Its kind of ironic that in the “conversation” that just hurt me more than anything else in my life ever has I didn’t argue…I didn’t raise my voice…I was calm, cool and collected…some might even say cold…but I was burning up on the inside and had to work extremely hard not to let the tears leak out…I couldn’t give them the satisfaction…I bet i’ve got you all dying to know what i’m talking about, wondering what in the world could bring forth this reaction from me…I was lying on the couch reading while my parents were arguing(as usual) over my father’s impatience and temper…what else is new? I then made an “innocent” comment(as innocent as a comment of this sort could be) about what a nice, normal night it is in our household with the yelling in the background, otherwise I wouldn’t have known I was home…I then added that our family is so pathetic so my father countered-you’re pathetic (how original…). I very logically said that he’s right considering I have the “pleasure” of being part of my family and living in our fucked up home…he then continued by telling me that I should leave the house already, he doesn’t want me there anymore and I should do it fast, etc’ etc’…this is something i’m fairly used to because i’ve already heard it enough times from him but then my mother walks in and says: maybe you should get the hell out of here already, earn your own living, grow up and learn how to behave like a human being…My breath was expelled from my mouth in one single gust and it was all I could do not to answer- right after you do…
You guys may not see what the big fuss is but I guess thats because you don’t know my mother…as much as she pisses me off and sometimes I loathe the person she is, she is the only one of my parents that has ever shown me love…I have just come to the most painful conclusion of my life…that no matter what my father does, no matter what kind of a person he is, no matter how he treats us, my mother will stand up for him even if it comes at the cost of losing me…
Oh well, sux to be me…huh?