Thats it…i’m sick and tired of it…
You know what? I am getting so fucking sick and tired of this…every single person I think I might wanna be in touch with relationship-wise likes my friends better…even when they’re not my friends’ types!!! Tomer, who I wrote about the other day and said I’d like to be in touch with and start talking to him, likes Cher now…and Cher didn’t even have the decency to tell me she started talking to him and that they talked on the phone…I found out when it slipped out of Rhonda’s mouth when we were in the kitchen…Cher said that “for now” she doesn’t wanna start a relationship with him…c’mon…what the fuck is “for now” supposed to mean…that means that until he asks me out I don’t wanna go out with him…but shes such an idiot, cuz like I told both her and Rhonda, if she starts falling for him shes gonna hate herself because hes not religious, and what does she keep saying…hes so close to being religious again…what are you? an idiot? you’re gonna try and make him be religious so that you can be with him? You think i’m saying this cuz i’m jealous, right? well-part of me is…but the other part knows that shes setting herself up for a big fall…and we’ll just wait and see…
This weekend we slept over at Rhonda’s house cuz her parents were away…Cher,Rhonda,Mori,John and I slept there and we had a great time. We all know John becuz at one point Wolf had tried to set him and Rhonda up but it didnt work out and we all became friends-John was also at O.d’s house on that weekend that we got drunk…hes a great guy, so adorable…so anyways, since that weekend at O.d’s house I started liking him a little and I really realized it this weekend at Rhonda’s house but of course would he want me…NO!!! He has feelings for Rhonda who loves him as a friend but that is as far as it goes…why the hell can’t anyone look at me for who I am instead of my friends that are always hainging around with me…? I know I have a sharp tongue and I tend to speak harshly but thats who I am…why can’t anyone realize that? Will anyone ever want to be with me for me and not for themselves(like dave) or for my friends(like yoav) or not want me at all(like uriya,tomer,yoni,etc’…need I go on?) I need something to…and I don’t feel it coming around the corner, I don’t feel that its right there…but I need to!!! I need to feel like Tony felt about what was going to happen to him with Maria in West SideStory…I need to feel that something magical is about to happen to me, something that can make me a better person…I need to feel that I have what to wait for, what to hope for…that something, someone wants me and is waiting for me…