Spilling my guts…or sumthin…

Lets start from the beginning…I have so much news but i’ll dediacate this entry to the most important of them all…this entry is gonna be all about…you guessed it- Dave…!

My whole family went away thursday for the whole weekend so starting thursday night I had the house to myself…I had some stupid school thing until late so Dave came over at about 2 am…We watched the movie “Hollow man” and “entertained” ourselves until 6 am when he went home…I feel really comfortable with him now…he came over again on friday at 2 in the afternoon and we watched the movie “Shakespeare in Love” and towards the end of the movie we started kissing and then I put my head down on his shoulder and he had his arm around me and we were just sitting there kind of snuggled up and it just felt so good…so right…

We had a stupid school thing this weekend that I had to go to and the only good thing about it is that all my friends were there…Od and Rhonda know about the kissing but Cher doesn’t…I don’t feel that I can talk to her as much as I can talk to the others…anyways, they spent a good part of the weekend telling me i’m being an idiot and that we have to stop doing what we’re doing before one or both of us really gets hurt…they’re sure i’m in love with him and that he might have feelings for me but not like mine for him…I know I really have feelings for him but I don’t know if its love or not and I don’t know what kind of feelings he has for me…it almost breaks my heart to think that i’m not as important to him as he is to me… I sent him a message last night saying that since my feelings for him are stronger than his are for me, we can’t keep doing what we’re doing cuz i’m just gonna end up getting hurt…and we had a long conversation with messages and the end result was his asking me if i’m in love with him and if I want us to be officialy together…I told him I dont know if i’m in love with him and I dont want us to be together just to justify what we’re doing…then he asked me if I want him to be in love with him…What kind of a question is that??? I said of course, who doesn’t want to be loved?

He didn’t answer my messages anymore that night except to tell me he was with his friend and that he’d talk to me later and then on sunday he sent me a message saying that he thinks i’m in love with him only because of the kiss…that got me really mad and I told him its not something that happens right away…its gradual and he said that people are telling him that i’m in love with him and that I want us to be together…That really pissed me off cuz thats just not true! I dont know if I love him and I definitely dont want us to be together if he doesnt have these kind of feelings for me…though, on the other hand- I want him to have these kind of feelings for me and I want us to be together…Why couldn’t I have fallen in love with him before when he had these feelings for me…why do I always have to mess everything up…?!?!?!?!