The Eye of the Beholder

So this is it kids the end of the road, suburbia…great huh? My whole life has equaled to dirty diapers and midnight runs to Wal-Mart how did I get here you ask? A man. A loving man, although nothing is perfect you have to admit that sometimes life is good. Not saying that there haven’t been bumps in the road there have been, but what can expect we don’t live in Mayberry.

Justin is a good man he really is, but while he is a good man, me being me can push him to the brink of what I would call insanity. 🙂 I am especially good at poking and prodding someone into doing something that I want. It is called manipulation.

I admit that now, but before Justin no one could ever get me to admit what a little shit I had become. I was horrible. Destroying lives and relationships, Karma will have the last laugh I am sure, the other foot will surely fall. In due time.

Until D day shall arrive I will enjoy my life, child and a loving man to the fullest, you don’t really know what you have until it is gone. MY mistakes have been brutal in their actions and not always caring of the consequences or feelings of others.

I am paying for my crimes dearly everyday in every action that I see, you never can fully measure the amount of pain you inflict until you see that recourse in your life. I am have hurt my loved ones terribly, and for what reason?

Shall I blame a feeling of inadequacy, a lust for a thrill? Shall I blame unhappiness of a situation? Or shall I truly pinpoint the real cause? I would do that for my own sanity as well as others if I knew the reason. Never knowing the cause of my reactions I fear of never gaining the closure I so dearly beg for.

I beg for peace, yet I am truly deserving of what I yearn?

~~Much Love and Peace~~