No one left to blame

Oh boy. I am sorry, but there is no one left to blame anymore. It was my doing, and my heart breaks everytime I think of it. But I was so tired of fighting and not getting in, I was tired at standing at the door, crying begging to get in. We all miss you so much.

My heart breaks and cracks everytime I see your face and everytime I hear your name. But there is no one to blame, it wasn’t you and it wasn’t me. It was time, space and everything else that was up against us. And I am so sickened to say that I wasn’t strong enough to fight.

But know this, if ever you need anything, I don’t care what it is or how small it is, whatever, Please call me, ask. You know that I would do anything for you. But I was tired of being alone while you held me in your arms. I was tired of looking into the pair of eyes I loved more than my own life and seeing a stranger. I was tired of haveing to look for you, when I was looking you in the face.

But that was me, I was so sick of you having to pretend. I can only imagine what you were feeling. I was tired of making you suffer and making you feel bad about what you didn’t feel anymore. I was being unfair to you and to myself, and I can’t hurt you, I just can’t do that. I’m so scared and I’m scared for you. Not myself, I can deal with all that life throws my way.

But I can’t deal with the thought of never seeing you, please if you are happy, that is all that I care about. I know that we are facing so right now. And all the empty promises, I just couldn’t do that anymore, it was unfair to all of us, all three. Please know that if I didn’t love you, I would have continued to make us suffer. And I want to be there for you whenever. But I know the sight of me hurts….

The pictures I took of you and us, didn’t develop, it was like we were never together….Isn’t that a sign? But I know that I will never forget you and if we can work this out then please lets try. I love you still.

~~Much Love and Peace~~