My odd random….things….

I think odd things at odd times. Like today I was looking at Christa’s ring and on one side has the 2 masks of Drama and I am playing those roles I truely believe that….I mean I play the role of happy go lucky kid on one side and act as if I am truely over the events of the past eleven months and that I am completely unfased by it all. And on the inside I am still reeling from everything that has happened and I am not crying but saddened. One thing I have learned, you can’t cry over the past, only the present and never the future. Even then tears are often wasted. I believe that if you cry over things that can’t be changed and that you have brought upon yourself that when you really need those tears to relieve your emotions that they won’t be there. Tears are treasures, I have heard the saying tears are the safety valve of the heart, when to much pressure is put upon, tears stop everything from exploding….But then again I don’t ever cry, so am I wasting the abillity to cry or am I just so contained that I have forgotten. And is being contained a bad thing? I am not burdening anyone else with my inner problems and my emotions. I don’t trust many people and I don’t trust my judgement anymore and I trust one person at this moment and I think that its a wise choice for me.

For once I am completely comfortable with another person. And I don’t feel threatened by anything concerning this person. I am very happy. Its old fashioned romance and friendship. Sex is no where involved in this at all. I love that. I feel like I have a friend, an ally, and a companion. I can cry, laugh and just be me in front of him and not have to worry about what he is going to think of me or see any faults in me. Being human and not so contained….He wants me to be human and me. I am completely happy. We can talk for hours about anything…And I never get bored. He is so smart and he doesn’t make me feel anything less than him. I really can’t explain it, I have a actual companion. Its not like that past, because until this point I have had nothing but fuck buddies with or without the title of “boyfriend”. I love everything about this…

Oh yeah tongue getting pierced in like 7 hours…MUAHAHAHA…..

~~Much Love and Peace~~