How did I do it?

 Every day and every night my struggle seems impossible. 

Ok. I don’t know how to explain this since it’s just a part of me, but I’ll try. I wake up in the morning, every morning with the same feeling of "I can". "I can diet for today". I’ve heard that in AA, alcoholics are told to take it "one day at a time". Bul t I think, in this, alcoholics might have it easier. Alcoholics have a banned item. Alcohol. If they don’t drink, they are successful. They have to avoid that item completely. But when your problem is food and not drinking, it is an entirely different thing. I can’t avoid food completely and my body won’t let me even if that was the thing to do. Dieting is very "food-centric" I know it’s all about what we eat and how much. but it’s hard to make yourself stop eating once you’ve started. It craves things. It starts at my toungue. its like it asks me for something.

"give me something sweet" or "give me something savory" or "give me something hot" 

At three PM almost every day, my body seems to say,"give me something so I don’t pass out". 

And the more you say, "I will be strong" the harder your body fights you. 

I lost a lot of weight 3 times before. I was at the healthy range, but it never stuck. 

when I was 17, I used an ephedra. It worked like a charm. I took it before every meal and aside from my hands being a little shaky — I lost 30 lbs FAST. I ate a small breakfast, or skipped it. I had a tuna sandwich for lunch and a tuna sandwich for dinner. After I got home (either from school or from spending time with my HS sweetheart), I would dance around my room for 90 minutes. Thats it, That’s all it took. 

When I got to college i kept it off for a little while…until Junior year. Then I put it all back on. I’m still not as heavy as i was in Highschool….but now, its seems impossible to take off even 1lb. 

Weight watchers helped me take off a few pounds, but then they changed the system and the points are now horrible. i can’t use them anymore. 

I have a bodymedia fit. and that’s actually pretty good. but I can’t seem to stay on track. 

I know, deep down, it’s me being lazy, but I just don’t have the energy when i get home from work to work out…and i can’t seem to make myself get up in the morning. 

I’m angry and I’m frustrated…Even though I know it’s all my fault. That is what I hate the most.