My action plan?

weight: 145.8

So the first thing my therapist, Dr. S, asked when I sat down in our last session was, "so, how’s your action plan going?"

What action plan? had i missed something? had i been absent from the past 5 sessions? when had he and I discussed an action plan? hell, the last few times i’ve been in his office, all he wanted to discuss was joe. This time i resolutely came in not wanting to discuss the boy, as I only see him a few times a week and honestly, its him wh o REALLY needs the therapy…i just like bitching at someone for an hour and forcing them to listen. Joe’s problems are too many to list, but honestly, that boy is both self destructive and has no self esteem…or so it would seem. he just doesn’t talk, only seems happy when playing video games, drinks too much, and caves too easily to peer pressure…except from me, that is.

Anyway, my problems (for which an action plan is necessary) are as follows: I’m a compulsive eater and I’m nocturnal, oh…and i’m just a tad obsessive. which for the most part, i’ve turned into a positive trait. i mean seriously, you can’t help who you are, right? so why not use my slightly obsessive nature to research things i’m interested in and become an expert? why can’t i just be plain smart. but that also leads to the two real problems that are actually problems. the eating thing and the not sleeping thing.

apparently, my therapist understands that i have no problem analyzing my life. overthinking is part of my nature…so with him, its all about action. So, an hour later he told me that my main problem is commitment. I’ve been dating joe for two and a half years and i graduated from college and my problem is commitment? Yeah…thats what it is.

He said that i simply have to commit to the idea of sleeping at a certian hour…maybe trying meditation to quiet my ever thinking mind. or making the very conscious decision not even to go to the fridge. he also thinks that having a schedule to mentally exhaust me will help with the nocturnalness since just working seems to mentally exhaust me…even though truth be told i hate working because its boring as all hell. why couldn’t i have been a super genius like matt damon in that movie with mini driver and robin williams…good will hunting…thats it…then they i could just be in a think tank or something. maybe i should have just stuck with my original ambition of astrophysics…i mean, thats all theoretical, but once i knew i was going to rutgers, i knew i wasn’t going to be a scientist…there is no touchy feely math department at rutgers. evil, evil rutgers.

Anyway, so far, my day is going well as far as eating goes. and i’m hoping when i get home from my date with joe today, that i’ll be so tired that i won’t want any food, as my weigh in is tomorrow, that would be nice, wouldn’t it? here’s praying