Shattered

It had been a while. I know, I have many things to do, and not enough time to do them. I have been caught up in a whole bunch of things. Too many to name, but emotions are mainly one of them. I am sure that I don’t have to give xplainations about whom I am talking about, but if you have read from the past, then you know whom it is that I am talking about. I can’t help but say that this is the only reason for me writing, but it seems that this is turning from great to bad. I don’t know what I want, and I can’t help but feel sad. Its too long of a story, but like the song says, in every movie I see, she plays the leading part.

It dosen’t help much, that I am starting to care about her child a whole lot more. Truth be told, that is the main reason she is single. Can’t find no one that will accept her with a child. Men can be such asses, and I am sure there is one or two of you saying you would be the same, if it wasn’t cause she lived a thousand miles away. I can honestly say that i don’t think that way. I don’t really know too many single moms out there, and if I did, and they were willing to date me, trust me I wouldn’t run away from them just cause I don’t want to step up to the plate and be a dad to a child that isn’t mine. Think this discussion has already happened.

In two months, it will be a year that we have talked on for the longest time. As of saturdaynight, the longest we had gone without talking to each other was two days. We are almost going on a week. I said something that I shouldn’t have apperantly, and now its time for the waiting game. I wonder if her not talking to me, has to do with the fact that I am on vacation, and that I told her I would be in her city next sunday? I knew what I was doing when I sent her that txt, but I never imagined she would react the way she did.

How long can you sit and talk to a person, and try to wait things out, before you have to fold the tent, and go home. I have said that time will till, and that I am in no rush, but how long is long enough. I know the feelings are there, and that we both want it, but what is it? I have never questioned her truthness. I am getting second thoughts on that now. I wish I could have a peek into her mind. I know its filled with great ideas, and great memories, but what is really going on in there. Did she think she was playing me, and realized that maybe she was falling for me? Did she fall for me, and now wants out? Did she get tired of the pictures I was senting her, and finally went oh my…there is no way I am going to date him, much less want to see him in person. Something isn’t clicking and I don’t know what to do. If she wants me as bad as she says she does, then why can’t we meet? See so many questions, and not so many answers.

I guess like I said, I am going to play the waiting game. I said I was sorry, but I guess that is not enough. I mean I guess thats what happens when I care too much. MMM Care, that is scary for someone whom is willing to give it all up, for a chance to see her smile~~

Goodnight,