In the famous words….

Of Duke Nukem…"Ahhh much better". For some sick and probably twisted reason, I feel so much better about myself today. I don’t know if its the reason that I finally came out and spoke my mind towards do, or the fact that I had the gall to do so. Which ever reason it is, I am feeling better, and I hope she understood where I am wanting to stand..Take that back, I am sure she didn’t understand a damn thing. One thing is for sure…it isn’t over…

Had a rough day yesterday at work. After Friday nights conversation, and the two entries I wrote, saturday pretty much sucked. It was slow, and I felt sick. I mean I drank a few firday night, but not that many. I was nausious. Guess thats how you spell it. I threw up about three times, and just couldn’t get myself together. Found myself sitting down too many times, and just thinking. Caught myself scrambling for my phone, cause I thought I felt that vibration. Needless to say, it wasn’t there. I ate lunch about 12-30 and by one, it was out in the back of the store. Never felt that way before. Guess it was guilt. I got out of work, and bought a six pack. Figured it would make me feel better. Its a 15 mile drive from town to the ranch, and I only managed to down a beer and a half. Something, which isn’t normal for me. By that time, especially on a saturday night, I usually just get home with a beer or two left. Got home, and got the call. It was nice to hear her voice. It made me feel a little better, but not to much. Still felt dizzy, and lost in a sense of direction. We talked, told her I thought she had a husband, and that is why she didn’t want to meet up. I was playing, cause she was asking of me for a reason why I thought she didn’t want me to go up there and meet her. I didn’t have a reason, so I created a few. It was all just me kidding. Kinda just telling her what she wanted to hear. Asked her if she had read my two previous entries, and she said no. Told her to read them, in hopes of understanding what I was getting it. She got upset and hung up on me. She called back later, and told me the phone had died on her. I was like cool. We talked a little more on and off through out the night, and I just kept feeling better about the whole situation for some strange reason. I like to think, that it was cause we were talking more as friends, than as in love intrest to each other. Gave her hell about the entry she wrote, and she said she only did it, cause she knew I was going to read it. Was it right for her to have done so, I don’t know. I think I read it at work, and dude it just made me to upset and enraged. I was like damn it. And its when she does thing like that, that she knows that gets it gets under myskin. When she said she massaged the UC guy for 2 and a half hours, and then that he gave her his phone number and she saved it under naked guy what am I suppose to think. Of course I thought, well she can’t be serious about me, cause look how fast she found a replacement. Its those things, that make me question her. That and a whole lot of other things…the worste is the hiding of notes….

Ok, enough of that, cause I don’t want to fall back into sick, depressed mode. So I am about to watch Italy and Spain go at it in the EURO 2008 Cup. Ah, feels just right to see the Izzurie in the quarter finals. They had a tough road getting there, but they made it. Haven’t seen Spain play much so it should be a good game. Italy did good against France, so maybe they are getting started who knows…

In other news, going to San Antonio tonight. In case you been missing out, Raw comes to SA on Monday for the Draft. I just can’t wait. Think it will do me good to get out and about for a while, and leave my problems on this computer desk.

In closing, I just wanted to **publicly** thank the two people whom day in and day out, left me notes of encourgment, and also shared thier wisdom with me. You two know who you are. I can’t thank you enough, for helping me get thru this, and for sharing with me how a women things…Thanks…

Guess that is all for know. Don’t know where this is going to end or what is going to happen, but I will keep ya posted. If you don’t see me for a while, don’t worry, for I got lost and don’t want to find my way back..lol

Take care and till then….

Jp