¿¿So what happens now??

Its almost bewitching time, and I am still not asleep. Well slightly past that time, but I am still wide awake. On any other given firday night, I would be fearing going to work tomorrow morning all droppy and without the sudden urge to go to work. But as of late, my days have been going by faster. I seem to not really have time to stop and smell the roses like I used too. Ha, I never did but it was something that i always wanted to say. Now that I got that out of da way. I feel much better.

So today is saturday. I have to endur eight hours of work, before my weekend starts. Someone once told me, its alright to work on saturdays, cause well it is what happens on saturday nights that matter. What else would you do on saturday xcept sit around waiting for the sun to go down. Do I have plans, na. I never make them. There is a saying that says that if you don’t make a plan, all your are doing is planning your disaster. Something or another like that. Who knows, who cares. Been living my life too much day to day, that I am not going to start scheduling it. I like it that way so that way it will stay. I just can’t wait to see what today brings. So far, I am still alive. Still in good health, and well just over all doing just right..

I am finally getting over my allergies. Guess the six inches of rain that we have recieved in the last three days seemed to quell whatever airborne illness was affecting me. I think it was just cause I was missing my picture of the month..wink wink. So I give thanks to you, for bringing that smile to my face….

And now for what keeps bringing you back. Ha, that sounded evil. Like if it was the last piece of chocolate cake. Ewe, don’t like chocolate..thought I forgot huh..Me and D had another one of our "lovely" fights this afternoon/evening. It all stewed over from the Labios Compatidos entry. In said entry, I wrote that I though I was getting played. Though I didn;’;t write it in that way, that is the way I meant it. I was speaking in third person view, when I wrote it, and I got called on it. Didn’t really get the chance to xplain it to her, cause she said she was going to cry, and I am really not worth anybodies tears. So basicly, I am going to xplain my fault, my concern, and my punishment. It all brewed, and I think it is in the entry. A certain someone called her, can’t quote cause I don’t really remember it, but it was something to the term of, my cuddly bearkitten stalker. Ok, so there I am, first of all not minding my business, reading other peoples nots for the heck of it, or for the sake of not having anything better to do, is not really too cool. So I read the note, and I just get all warm and bubble inside. Emotions took over, yaddy yaddy, I am sure you read the entry. And once again, I am stuck on why did I get so emotional if we are not together. That is the key phrase in all this. Sounds like I am beating the bush to death, but I can’t understand it. It should have meant nothing, but it did. So when i read that note, that is why I said, that I was getting played, cause she might have been feeding him the same stories that she has told me. Hence I am hearing something that someone else heard yesterday. I am not trying to fix my wrong, but I am trying to make it understandable. It all comes down to my myself and I at fault. I should have never said anything, but I couldn’t help it. I can;t keep what I feel inside in check, though I must. I have looked at it from all diffrent points of view, and I just can;t seem to control it. So then she says that she isn’t going to leave anymore notes to anybody. And that really hit me, cause now I am a probable cause for her to lose some of her friends. She isn’t mine for me to control. I need to understand that. I will understand that. I keep telling myself that I am going to turn over a new leaf. I just can’t seem to find the right one to turn over. I can’t forget about her, I sure as hell don’t want her to stop talking to me, I don’t really know what I want. All this lovely fighting is starting to get old. Its fine and dandy one day, and the next we fight. CAll me crazy, but it is starting to become the norm now and a days. I keep telling myself to just let the river run its course..but when is it ever going to get out of these mountains and turns and curves. So what happens now…I don;t know. I was kinda hoping you could tell me….

P.S. To all the lovely people that have left me notes, wether private or public, I thank you for the support. It is nice to see that people care to help another out, if only in points from diffrent views. Its feel nice, let me tell ya.

P.S.S. I still have no idea who it was that left that i love you note. So as of today, It is past me. God knows, it has caused me nothing but trouble. Atleast I was honest and told you about it. I could have left it private, but that is not me. Honesty is the best way to go..

Until you hear from me again..which will probably be in about 20-22 hours..lol

Goodnight